Episode Report Card Sara M: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Long Bad Show
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.14.2003
Simon walks into Matt's hospital. Suddenly, Marcia Wallace pops up behind him and starts talking, but I don't know exactly what she said because I was screaming in horror at the time. What the hell happened to Marcia Wallace? She looks like Ronald McDonald's weird aunt with her bright red punk hairdon't, buggy eyes, and generally clownish manner. She's also the size of roughly two and half The Bob Newhart Show-era Marcia Wallaces. Simon asks where Matt is, to which Marcia replies that Matt and Sarah went to the Berkshires for some "R and R," because first-year medical residents have time for things like that. Simon says that he's Matt's brother, at which Marcia gets all excited because she knows everything about the Camdens, because Matt is her BFF. Despite this, he apparently did not see fit to tell her about the car accident, because she doesn't mention it. She does, however, mention the Bank of Simon. It's like Brenda thought of that in a storyline meeting once (if they even have those for this show, which is doubtful) and thought it was so funny that it had to be mentioned once a season whether the viewers cared about it or not. A closer shot of Marcia reveals, once I can peel my fingers away from my eyes, that she has lipstick in the wrinkles around her mouth, which really enhances her clownishness. Simon says that his "ex-girlfriend" drove him to the airport. So they broke up? For sure? Great! Now there will be no reason for Asslee to stay on the show and I won't have to deal with her anymore. I'm going to have a celebratory margarita or ten. Marcia suggests that Simon stay with "MA-RY and CAR-LOS," speaking to Simon like he's a student in her kindergarten special education class. Simon asks who Carlos is. Marcia realizes that she stuck her foot in it once again, says that she has to go, and speed-walks away. I don't think Marcia Wallace blinked once during that entire scene. But as scary as she was, she delivered her awful lines better than almost anyone else on this show, so I wouldn't mind seeing her again. Which means that I won't, ever.
RevCam walks around the house reading a yellow notepad. I hope it's a draft of his suicide note. He answers the doorbell to two sad people and one Sad Guitar. RevCam says he's surprised to see them, then invites them in. They sit in the CamDen. "I suppose you came here for some reason," RevCam says. No, they probably just knock on people's doors, go into their houses, and sit in their living rooms for the hell of it. The man says that they're going to accept the insurance company's offer. Ah, so they're PaulSmith's parents. Mr. Smith says that they wanted more money before, when they were angry and wanted to punish Simon, but now they don't want to go to court. Lame. Go to court, PaulSmith's parents! Those Camdens are loaded; look at their house! Squeeze every possible dime you can out of them! Sara wants to recap a season of 7th Heaven where the family actually lives like the poor people they purport to be! Mrs. Smith says that PaulSmith should have been wearing a helmet, like they always reminded him to. See, Annie? They did tell him to wear a helmet, so shut your sanctimonious ass up. Actually, where is Annie? Shouldn't she be here for this? Mr. Smith says that their son had bigger problems than flouting motorcycle safety laws, and they need to make sure that those problems don't happen to their remaining son. They offer to pay for the church sign he vandalized, but RevCam says that that's been "taken care of." Mrs. Smith drops the D-bomb and says that the autopsy of their son revealed that he was on "drugs." Not marijuana or cocaine. Just "drugs." That's a pretty non-specific autopsy! Maybe it was performed by a graduate of Crawford Clown College's distinguished pathology program. RevCam is surprised, although you think Det. Michaels would have told him about the autopsy results as soon as possible. Hey, do you think that maybe Det. Michaels and RevCam had some kind of fight over the summer? Think about it: Det. Michaels had to get all the semi-latest CamInfo from Kevin, and RevCam hasn't been kept illegally informed of police business. I want to know more.