Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | 231 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Goodbye, My Albatross
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2007.02.13
Making her escape, Lorelai goes out to the front, where she runs into Christopher. "Hi," he says, earning a mildly sarcastic "hi" in return. "I guess we should talk," he mopes, and Lorelai leads him away as Michel and Sookie get into it about crudités in the other room. "If your child died," Michel rants, "would you serve crudités?" Officially too much -- let's not joke about children dying, thanks.
To get away, Lorelai leads Chris to some overly-patterned side room and closes the door. "Well, obviously," he opens, "we have some issues." It is, very clearly, not the best start, and Lorelai, for once, does not have the patience to put up with his selfish bullshit. "'Issues'?" she snaps. "What issues? We got in a fight and you took off." Instead of apologizing, Christopher says that he was "mad." Eek -- wrong again. "Oh, you were mad?" Lorelai whips back. "Well, then, never mind." Christopher tells her not to be sarcastic and, missing the perfect opportunity to tell HIM not to be a whiny BITCH, Lorelai insists instead that he not tell her what to do. Good enough, but Chris goes on to say that he needed some space, which...the dude is batting zero with these lines. Lorelai rightly points out that they are married, in which case getting some space means walking around the block or getting a beer, not taking off. "My father was in the hospital," she says. "You weren't there." Instead of apologizing profusely and falling to the floor, clinging to Lorelai's knees, begging her forgiveness and flagellating himself, Christopher snits that he had turned off his phone and all, but that he came as soon as he heard. Yeah, says Lorelai, but he only stayed and hour and then left again. "I didn't feel like staying when I saw who else was there," argues Christopher. OH MY GOD. Will no one punch this guy in the nuts? I swear, at this point, I want Lorelai to leave this dude, give Luke the brush-off, and start dating women. I mean, shit, why NOT? I'm in a little bit of a man-hating mood these days -- not my own husband, but some other husbands I know are having 1/3-life crises and behaving Christopher-style to their gorgeous and generous wives -- and I'm advocating full-on lesbianism. It's hot, you can share wardrobes, and nobody gives you attitude when you explain you have the cramps. Hello? Where's the downside? Is Gypsy from the car shop single? Lorelai says for the three millionth time that she did not invite Luke to be there, and when Chris slings back that she didn't ask Luke to leave, either, Lorelai's had enough: "No, I didn't. He's my friend. He brought food. You weren't there." Christopher counters that he was there; he checked in. "'Checked in'!" she says. "I'm not the 6:40 to Buffalo!" Christopher whines that he's just sick of seeing Luke, but Lorelai is out of sympathy. She was in that hospital for two days, eighteen hours a day, and she didn't even know if Christopher was coming back. "I needed time," he drones. "I needed YOU," replies Lorelai, going on to beautifully and simply twist the knife: "You know what the worst part of it was? When you weren't there, part of me wasn't surprised." Whhhewww -- my husband and I jinxed each other with an "aaawww, daaaaamn." That was a good one. Lorelai goes out on that zinger, saying that she has too many things to get done, and that they'll have to talk later.