Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Party Animals
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 07.17.2011
Kathy and Rich make their way to the party and talk about how Kathy will act around Teresa. Kathy insists she won't act any differently than she always done, and if Teresa has a problem, then it's her problem. Rich says he hopes that Teresa is also civil, adding, "I don't want to ruin this party, God forbid."
At the Gorga mansion, the carolers are singing, and the guests start making their arrivals as Melissa makes her way downstairs looking like Snowflake Barbie. Oh for Jeebus' sake, there's a step and repeat in front of the house. The Manzo brothers and Greg are appropriately irreverent at this absurd display of wealth and assumed celebrity. They head inside and laugh that it's like "the house in Clueless. Cut to a shot of Joe drinking the very same vodka-cranberry he had at the christening. I believe that's called foreshadowing. But first we have to take in the fully gratuitous spectrum of the nouveau riche excess. In addition to the carolers -- who are dressed in ye olden days costumes -- the casino has money with Joe and Melissa's faces on it. Also, says Melissa, "There's a bar in my liberry."
Kathy and Rich arrive, with Rich reminding Kathy, "Remember, it's Christmas." They roll up to see Melissa preening on the step and repeat. She calls Kathy over, who appears to be dressed in Lady Gaga's take on a suit of armor. Joe drunkenly gets a little too excited about it, calling Kathy a slut and catcalling her. Rich tells him, "Listen, motherfucker, that's your cousin, that's still my wife. I'll fuckin' throw you on top of that fuckin' ice sculpture." Please do! That thing is creepy to the max.
Meanwhile, it's 8:23, and Juicy is still sitting on the couch in his sweats. Teresa admits that things will probably be tense post-christening, though she claims that kind of melee has never happened in her family before. Uh huh. Disproving this notion yet further, Juicy tells Teresa that, if anyone says anything stupid to Teresa, he's going to give them a swift roundhouse to the head -- which he demonstrates on the punching bag in their garage. There is no way this night is going down without incident.
Bonus footage: We get a view into Melissa's underwear drawer when her thong shows through her white dress. One friend suggests that she skip the underwear entirely. Kathy looks on dubiously. Which is really all you need considering what she's wearing.
Caroline, Jacqueline, and the hubbies arrive. Lauren notes how fabulous Melissa's house is and snarks, "For some reason I feel like I was just at a housewarming party [Teresa's] just like this." Melissa takes a minute to traipse down the stairs as she introduces the representative from St. Joseph's hospital. He gives his speech, though I'm sure no one in the room actually hears it because all the important people are either stumbling around drunkenly (Melissa) or wondering where Teresa and Juicy are (everyone else).