Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Christmas: Now More Than Ever
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.09.2001
Vonda's been down, she's been down down down....
It's a beautiful fall day in Boston. Of course, just last night it was snowing, but whatever. Vonda is all super-jouncy, and singing, "Ji-hin-ingle bell-ell-ells, woohoo! Christmas!" Or something. Staff meeting. Ally's going over the Collar's case, and him not believing in G-d anymore since his wife was killed. Everyone else is all incredulous and eating giant Christmas cookies. Ally just asks for the case, saying she "[doesn't] ask for much." Oh, in that case. John's up next, working on a case he knows nothing about; he's meeting the client shortly. Moving along. Fish asks that everyone sign waivers because of all the sexual harassment that will occur at the firm's upcoming Christmas party. He asks that Jenny invite her hot mom, Jackie Bisset. Yeah, more Jackie Bisset! Jenny says she isn't "comfortable" with Fish "dogging [her] mom." Fish is a dog, hee. He reminds everyone to have a "yuletide spirit" like the song, "Wattle Wonderland," and meeting adjourned.
Hey, John's client is Peter Scolari! He's awesome. He's suing because the Mayor of his town (Jackman) canceled Christmas. Even though it was the town's industry. They can't get a permit to have a grassroots Christmas parade. The children are heartbroken. Oh, boy.
The lawyer for the parish (or whatever) tells Ally that they love her client and want him to continue being the minister. But he can't tell the congregation that he doesn't believe in G-d anymore, or "that God doesn't believe in us," or no longer cares, or things of that agnostic nature. Dude, Collar's having a crisis. The oboe plays sadly. There goes the piano!
The judge lambastes John for bringing the Christmas parade suit in front of him. But, your honor! It's about CHRISTMAS! Oh man, are we really only ten minutes into the show? John calls the judge a "grumpy lump" and "your curmudgeoness" and asks that his client get five minutes. That'll do.
Glenn and Elaine are practicing a "rocking" holiday number in the bar. Elaine rubs herself all over Glenn, who thinks that any display of overt sexuality isn't proper for an office holiday party. Oh, what a babe in the woods Glenn is! Or should I say "boy." This must be his first holiday party. But not, I bet, the first time he's wanted to Xerox his ass. Elaine says that Glenn is "a stocking stuffer" and that he should just shake his thang, already. Agreed.
More aerial shots of Boston. Drink! Ally's in church, talking to Collar. How does he really feel about the G-d stuff? And how did his wife die? She was shot by a mugger. Ally says she believes the lord "gave man free will." Collar says, "Given the times, that seems to be a flagrant display of discretion." Collar's having a crisis, whoop whoop! Ally is all, what do you say to comfort people who have lost loved ones? That's a trick question -- don't answer her, Collar! He says he "fire[s] off a few sacred platitudes and pray[s] that they buy it." Oh, he's so cynical! Love it. Collar sits at a pew and puts his chin in his hands, dismayed. He can't even help his own son, he says. His son, who sings so prettily with "the voice of God," which Collar doesn't believe in anymore. And the son doesn't sing anymore either. Gee, I wonder who the son could be. Ally is all, "Is this what this is about? Helping your son?" It's probably about a lot of things, you half-wit.