Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Christmas: Now More Than Ever
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.09.2001
John and Ally are sitting on a couch, talking. She says this case is "playing into [her] biggest fear." Don't they all? Anyway, this week Ally's biggest fear is that "when people are gone, they're gone." She means dead, or written off, like Lisa Nicole Carson, or RDJ, right? The idea that "we all become nothing" bums her out. She asks John to tell her something good. He offers, "We have souls." Ally looks unconvinced. So, how about that town that canceled Christmas? That working out okay? John is all, now, more than ever, we need shit like this, because we have all become "deadened." Has John become "deadened," asks Ally? It's not the town that's lost Christmas, it's John! Oh, the piano is working overtime. John says that shopping makes him feel anxious, and he hasn't lost anything, really. He tries his smile on and it slips.
Vonda sings about a teeny weeny widdle Christmas tree that nev'r had groooown. Kaboom. Ally's decorating a tree and Collar is all, isn't it kind of late to be doing that? Christmas Eve? Ally stammers that it's better than not putting one up at all. Collar says he has his job back and he's giving midnight Mass, if he can think of anything to say. And what he feels is, he "needs to believe in what [Ally] said, that she's still here. Otherwise, evil wins." OH MY FUCKING G-D, David Kelley, THIS is what you come up with? If we don't _____, the _____ have already won? You fucking hack. Present your knuckles for smacking, please. Ally smiles and says "we can't let that happen." Ally? THE EVIL HAS WON. And you know that already, you freak.
Jenny and Glenn are in the Uni. Glenn's all, "Punch anyone lately?" Hee. Jenny says Glenn is "prettier than" she, which means he is "gettable," and that she's "insecure." Glenn says she's the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on. Aww. He's not just saying that? No, it's true. And Elaine needs to hear it. Elaine comes out of a stall and apologizes. "I'd never hit on another girl's boyfriend. Not for real, anyway!" Heh. It was just part of the act. Which is what Elaine's whole life is, anyway: "Just an act." Aww!
The Mayor's lawyer is presenting his final argument, or something. The Mayor can't allow a parade because "the town has had a catastrophic year." Dude, tell it to the people of New York and Washington. "Financially and human-ly," to throw a parade just because it's a tradition "mocks joy." Oh, come on. Who doesn't love a joyless parade? "You don't just check the calendar, push a button and start laughing. That trivializes happiness." Okay. John begins, with "respectfulism" to the Mayor. Now more than ever, we need Christmas. That is all. Drink! No. "It is no honor to the fallen for the surviving to stay down. We just want to go on." And celebrating Christmas helps us do that. John's holding a Christmas ball in his hand as he argues. "Lets let the light shine, in [the firefighters'] honor." No skipping Christmas, okay? Okay.