Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Enemy Of My Enemy Is...
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 08.12.1999
...and next we see said criminal being marched along with her hands cuffed behind her back. And I could drag out the suspense a bit more, but I have a strong feeling this recap's going to be long enough as it is, and an even stronger feeling that there's no one reading this who doesn't know that the prisoner is Chiana. She's wearing an electronic collar, and if it weren't for the lights blinking on it, anyone who's remotely familiar with her personality could be forgiven for thinking she's just accessorizing. Durka marches Chiana past D'Argo and then Crichton, the latter of whom she gives a look that's both pleading and lustful. Which is a good introduction, because Chiana always has some game going on beneath the surface. (I'll get this out of the way now -- I love her. I expected to hate her -- the idea of the sexpot alien just seems so tired -- but I love how simultaneously ruthless, selfish, loyal, and just plain fucked up she is, and I also love the introduction of a character who is not trying to get home. She adds a dimension that makes the show more interesting, in my opinion. Hey, didn't I just complain that the recap was going to be long?) Durka puts Chiana in one of the cells, and the observers gather at the door as it closes and Chiana sinks to her knees. Crichton asks what Chiana's crime is, but Durka tells him that it's none of his concern, and asks about their quarters. D'Argo says they're ready, and normally it wouldn't be a tough guess to figure out which of Aeryn and Zhaan got stuck with doing the turndown service. However, given Aeryn's upcoming "Durka, EEEEE!" attitude, the answer might not be as obvious as it seems.
Anyway, Durka says he'll oversee the repairs to his ship, and as they walk off, D'Argo tells him that the DRDs have completed their damage assessment. I wonder if the DRDs jack up their prices like most mechanics do. I can only imagine they could make up a lot of repairs that a spaceship would need, particularly on this show where shit -- er, "dren" gets made up quite a bit. Once they're gone, Salis pointedly asks Crichton if he's ever been stung by [some sort of plant that I wouldn't even dare try to spell]. Crichton: "Not yet." Hee. Salis warns that those plants also present an "intriguing exterior." Chiana chooses that moment to sidle forward and beg Crichton to help her. "They won't tell you what I've done because they're embarrassed. You wouldn't consider it a crime." Well, she sized him up pretty quickly. Salis warns Chiana that she should really be shutting up now, but she pleads for amnesty. Crichton slowly and uncomfortably tells her they're not a diplomatic ship, and I need to take a break, because the thought of this crew being some sort of government representatives is enough to make me laugh until I cry, and vice versa. Chiana asks then that he use moral authority, another giggle-worthy irony, and goes on that what they're going to do to her is cruel by anyone's definition. Salis chooses that moment to give credence to her point by pressing two implants in his temple, which activates the collar, causing Chiana intense pain that makes her writhe on the floor in the unfun way. After a few seconds, Crichton pulls Salis's hand away and asks what the hell he's doing. Salis calmly says that her behavior was inappropriate, and if he shocks Chiana every time such behavior surfaces, I'm surprised she hasn't turned into Ellen Burstyn at the end of Requiem For A Dream by now. Crichton says he doesn't care what she did, causing Salis to add another layer of menace to his voice as he points out that Crichton's crew crippled his ship and disrupted their plans. "Are you now the arbiter of our justice system as well?" Crichton warily considers this.