Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT And I Think It's Gonna Be A Long, Long Time
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2006
Rory, in a very pretty dress, is wandering the halls at school when she grimly notices that Paris's summer job -- tutoring would-be Yale students -- is headquartered in the Daily News offices. Rolling her eyes, she walks in to see Paris lecturing a mother and her timid daughter, who Paris has already deemed unworthy of tutoring. "Do you want your kid to spend her life behind the counter at Dunkin' Donuts?" Paris asks. "Because that's where she's headed -- selling chocolate donuts and glazed fritters for the next forty years to people in business suits who actually gave a crap about their academic future." Besides making me very hungry, this alarms the mother, who says her daughter has great potential. "Well," Paris tells her, "so did Charles Manson." How I've missed Paris. She continues to berate the mother and kid half to death until the mom is practically begging Paris to help. "She's got a C average, which means she's either lazy, or stupid," Paris says. "I can work with either. Frankly, sometimes stupid is easier. I can scare the stupid out of you; lazy runs deep." A brilliant equation. Reverse it, and it's a perfect analysis for why reality TV shows are still attracting participants and viewers. Paris makes both the mother and daughter take aptitude tests so that she can figure out whose fault it is that the girl is so dumb. Love it.
Rory has witnessed it all and is suitably impressed with Paris's business plan. She tries to make an excuse for being there, but Paris sees through it -- she knows Rory's depressed that Logan's left. "Breakups are tough," she says. Rory's eyes go big. "We didn't breakup!" she says, defensive, and asks why Paris thought they did. "I don't know," she shrugs, and runs down the facts. "Wealthy, good looking, hedonistic heir to billion dollar multi-national media conglomerate moves to London and spends nights pining away for his college girlfriend? Who's watching that movie?" Rory is frustrated and says that she and Logan are still together and that no, they didn't really have a talk about it, but that the nature of their commitment is "kind of understood." Paris rightly smirks: "Yeah, because that worked out so well the last time." Rory pouts as her friend continues on being the voice of reason. Logan, Paris says, need to be told exactly where the relationship stands and what Rory's expectations are. "He's got to know where the red lines are," she says, "or he's going to leap right over them and into bed with multiple British floozies." Rory tries to shut her up, but Paris won't have it. "He moved to London, Rory," she says, "the most romantic city in the world!" When Rory reminds her that, in fact, Paris (the city) is thought to be the most romantic, Paris (the girl) sarcastically demurs. "Ah, right," she says, "London is just the most sex-obsessed." Rory looks blue.