Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Baldness <> Death
By Aaron | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.08.2003
After what must be about the billionth replay of Mayor McEnoughAlready getting his throat slashed, we cha-chung over to the front gate, where -- in an apparent sly shout-out to all the Law & Order jokes I've made about this plotline -- we quickly learn that Lenora Briscoe has been replaced by a new detective. The new guy is sort of a weasel, and he tends to say things like, "Between you, me, and the doorpost, my lieutenant wants me to wrap this stinker up fast, so that's what I'm gonna do." Oy. Shut up, Benjamin Prat. Leo finds it highly suspicious that Lenora would be replaced in the middle of an investigation, but truth be told, it's so damn dark in that hallway that he wouldn't be able to see her even if she was there. You can't even see their faces when they talk, for Christ's sake. Anyway, Ben Prat is so clearly a mole sent by Governor This Little Piggy Went To Jail to supervise a massive cover-up that even Jessica's Mulder action figure manages to tear himself away from Kingpin long enough to glare knowingly in his direction and then die a few times. Further proof of Benny's devious complicity comes when he interrogates Johnson The Blatantly Guilty CO and doesn't even bother to ask more than a few token questions before declaring the man innocent and the matter closed. Powerless in the face of Governor Mary Had A Little Lamb's evil bureaucratic maneuvering, Leo just stands there and seethes with the self-righteous fury that only a truly incompetent prison warden can muster.
And then he summons Devlin's lackey to his office, because if there's one thing Leo does do well, it's make bad situations worse by blabbing about stuff when he should have kept his mouth shut. "I'm starting to really see the potential of the internet," he says, as he repeatedly stabs at his browser's refresh button in the frenzied but ultimately vain hope that someone will open a thread for him in the "Staff" section of the forums. "That fuckwad McManus gets two, and I don't have bubkes," he mutters under his breath, before going on to reveal that he's discovered an online alumni listing which proves that The Little Lackey and Johnson The Blatantly Guilty CO attended the same prep school way back in the day. Oh, that's certainly ample evidence of a criminal conspiracy, wouldn't you say? I mean, what jury wouldn't convict when presented with that little tidbit? Of course, if Johnson really could afford to attend a ritzy private school like that, then it probably wouldn't be all that surprising for him to be driving a Jaguar, now would it? And how exactly did Leo find that page, anyway? Did he just randomly Google a bunch of words out of Johnson's personnel file? Whatever. Say hello to my old friend Prisoner #03J-2600: Contrivance B. Jones. Convicted February 8, 2003 -- Unlawful Suspension of Disbelief. Sentence: Life. Up for parole in 168 minutes. The Little Lackey rises out of his chair to deny everything, and then carefully wends his way through the gaping plot holes on his way out of the office.