Episode Report Card Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT They'll never find the body
By Aaron | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.29.2003
Out in the Tofutti Tenement, Lisa is doing laundry when she comes across the receipt from Nate's encounter with Brenda. She barely even glances at it before collapsing onto the bed and bursting into tears. Oy. I'm not sure whether she's crying because Nate spent thirty bucks on nothing more than a beer, some shrimp cocktail, and a cup of coffee, or because she's finally realized that she's got maybe two episodes left with him, and that's if she's lucky. If we're lucky, he'll dump her ass by the time the previouslies are over next week.
Elsewhere in The Fortress, Kathy Bates is telling Ruth that she has to go out of town for a while to direct an episode…er, "bail her daughter out of jail in Montana." There's some griping from both women about needy vs. independent children, and then Kathy asks for that cup of coffee Ruth promised her before she leaves. "Um, can you wait seven minutes?" replies Ruth, as she checks her watch. Heh. The two women end up huddled at the top of the stairs, spying on Arthur as he brews some tea and sits down for lunch. I've got to believe that someone as anal as Arthur would have had the tea brewed long before he only had seven minutes left, but maybe that's just me. In any case, Kathy mocks him for not being what she would call "eye-candy," and then Ruth wraps her up in an incredibly tight embrace and starts gushing about how much fun she's had since Kathy came into her life. It's all very sweet, and also hopefully just sapphic enough to satisfy those of you who thought this plotline might devolve into lesbianism at some point. They giggle some more about the goofy apprentice, and then the scene comes to a close.
The funeral downstairs, however, is still going on, and now Nate is joined at the back of the room by the DGDJ himself. Proving that he really is just like me, Aaron's very first line of dialogue is a snarky comment about someone else's dialogue. "That's a load of bullshit," he says, in response to his ex-wife telling the assembled mourners that his son could have learned a lot from his father. "You met my kid, he turned out fine," he adds. "He didn't need a fuck-up like me to stick around." We get an unfortunate close-up of the mutton-chops, and then Aaron continues his little rant. "Seriously, Diane and I, we had a shit relationship. We totally would have screwed up that kid. Just like you and Lisa are going to screw up Maya." Ah, yes. Just like last time, the highest shout-out honor Six Feet Under can bestow is to make you all about Nate. I've never been so proud. Nate tries to defend himself, but (again, just like me) Aaron is utterly merciless. "You are so fucking trapped," he snarls (SttM = 2,885). "And your neck is really fucking hairy." Nate responds by elucidating the theme of the week: "The only way not to be trapped is not to have anything," he proclaims. Or not to get crazy girls pregnant and then marry them out of guilt. Either way, really. Aaron isn't done taunting him just yet, though. "You look me in the eye and tell me that sometimes you don't want to get in your car and just start driving and never look back. Come on, I dare you." And even though he doesn't say anything, I've gotta believe that's a dare Nate would be totally willing to take. After all, "driving" isn't really why he's been getting into the car lately, now is it?
Cut to Claire, arriving at art school with Russell trailing close behind. He finally chases her down as they enter the classroom, and cleverly tries to sneak a second date in under her radar by inviting her to come to the pre-wedding rehearsal dinner as well. "Russell, maybe it's not such a good idea for us to, you know, date," she replies. If you use your pause button, you can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half. Russell tries gamely to cover his disappointment by saying that he feels exactly the same way, but you can tell he's upset by the fact that he's actually willing to touch his own hair in this scene. "So you're okay?" she asks. "Just staying the way we are?" Well, no, I'm not, really, but with the restraining orders and all, what choice do I have? Russell shares my dismay, if not my legal injunctions, and he looks even more crushed when Claire dashes off to deliver a few leftover purchases to Professor Olivier. Aww, don't worry, Russell. You'll get used to it eventually. It's taken me three seasons, and I'm almost there myself.