Episode Report Card Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT They'll never find the body
By Aaron | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.29.2003
Claire, meanwhile, is waiting for Professor Olivier in his classroom. She's obviously a little early herself, although I'm chagrined to report that there don't seem to be any bald women lurking in the background. Hell, I even would have settled for Pinky Tuscahairo at this point, but she's not there either. Oh, well. Claire checks out some of the random detritus on his desk, and even picks up a toothbrush and sniffs at it a few times. Ew. As much as I love Claire, the only person I want to see sniffing anything is my old pal Torquemada. Some people just have a special talent, I guess. Olivier finally breezes in, announcing that they need to leave immediately to go hit the Century City mall before all the good stores close. "You need an assistant to shop?" asks an incredulous Claire. "I need an assistant to drive me," answers Olivier. "My license was taken away by a jack-booted fascist. I don't know why I'm always persecuted." Oh, I've got a few ideas on that particular subject, my friend. But in the interests of bringing this recap in at something less than five hundred pages, I'll just say that Claire is crestfallen to discover that the only thing she'll be learning from this experience is Olivier's shirt size. ["And that he loved the Livingston Mall, which I am taking as the first of my two shout-outs in this ep." -- Sars]
Das Sargzimmer. David and Nate meet with the DGDJ's son, who's been asked to bring in some items that belonged to his father. "In situations like [this] we find it helps the family to put some of his belongings to rest also," explains David. The son hands over a tiny suit, prompting David to wonder, "Was your father a 'little person?'" Hee! "No, no," answers Aaron Jr., "This was the only suit of his my mother could find. It's from his Bar Mitzvah." I was actually planning to include a photo of me in my own Bar Mitzvah suit on this page of the recap, but unfortunately, the technological limitations of the internet prevent us from squeezing that much cheese into the limited bandwith we have available here. So instead, I'll just leave you with a few tantalizing hints: It was turquoise and beige, and if you can remember how popular Miami Vice was in 1986, then you've probably got a good idea of just how dorky I truly looked.
Anyway, the only other item Aaron Jr. could find was a Linda Ronstadt T-shirt that might not have even belonged to Dad in the first place. He then leaves to go back to work, and Nate finds himself depressed by the idea that a son wouldn't even know if his father liked Linda Ronstadt. "Do you know if our dad liked Linda Ronstadt?" asks David. "As a matter of fact I do," counters Nate. "When I cleaned out his record collection I found a copy of 'Heart Like a Wheel.'" Insert your own Bonnie Bedelia joke here.
Over in the kitchen, Ruth is giving Arthur the grand tour of what can only be described as an anal-retentive paradise. After listing which bowls are to be used for which meal, she stops for a moment to reminisce about David's "special yellow bowl," which he didn't like anyone else to use. Arthur thoughtfully agrees to keep that one "out of the rotation," and Ruth moves on to show him the carefully crafted chart she's set up to schedule mealtimes so that they'll never have to "suffer the awkwardness of both eating at the same time." Heh. You know, it's too bad Ruth isn't a computer nerd, because I get the sense that she'd be almost as much of an Excel junkie as I am. I can totally see the two of us bonding uneasily over named ranges and vlookup functions. It'd be fun! After slyly guilting Arthur into taking the early shift for dinner (and also making him initial that selection on the chart), Ruth moves to the laundry room, where she warns him that Sunday nights are off-limits because that's when she watches HBO. Or maybe she said that's when she does her linens. I'm not really sure either way. Then they head upstairs, where Arthur stops to admire the "warm light" which suffuses her bedroom. Ruth certainly can't have him looking into her personal space, so she slams the door shut and leads him into what I think must have been David's old room. Of course, the only thing I have to base that on is the fact that it doesn't look like the room Nate used when he first moved back home. In any case, she's left handy printed instructions on just about every available surface in the room, and Arthur looks as though he's died and gone to heaven. Or maybe he's died and gone to the Bates Motel. I'm not really sure either way.