Episode Report Card Niki: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pressure Cooker
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 11.20.2000
Which prompts Lily onto the Soliloquy Stool (tm Heathen) to rhyme off a list of antonyms that represent her mother and Peg: oil and water; Nixon and McGovern. After that last one, she catches herself and says, "That's not fair." I suspect it's a political joke, but it's beyond my ignorant Canadian ass. ["Stockwell and Alexa?" -- Wing Chun]
Back in the kitchen, Barbara's rummaging through the bags, looking for the fixins for her roast chestnuts. Lily, of course, didn't remember to buy them because she, along with the rest of the world, exists only to test Barbara's resolve. Barbara stoically forgives Lily, saying that Judy can take her to the market to get the things she needs. Judy looks like she'd rather cram steaming chestnuts up her nose. Lily asks whether it's hard for Barbara to be back there after all that's happened, and again Babs makes with the stoicism, claiming matter-of-factly, "Oh, you know it's hard wherever I am." Changing the subject, Lily mentions that Rick's bringing his mom. Barbara's happy to hear it, relieved that "there'll be someone [her] own age." Judy asks what that means, and Babs tells her to wait and see. On her way out of the kitchen, Barbara pauses with a troubled look: "I hope she's not planning on cooking," she says, referring to Rick's mom. "Battle of the titans," Judy mutters.
Meanwhile, Eli's torturing his guitar in an attempt to serenade his grandmother. She sits on the edge of the bed and taps her feet lightly while awkwardly rocking back and forth. It's not her fault, though -- the music really is impossible to groove to. And then Eli starts "singing" and, I swear, all I want for Christmas is for him to stop and promise he'll never do it again. Not in the shower, even. Never. Oh, and here're the inane lyrics, for anyone who needs a good laugh: "Get off, get out / Can't feel the way that I do / I'm pushin' back at you..." They go on, but frankly, I can't take anymore. Granny is now jerking her arms around in moves that seem inspired by tai chi. When Eli finishes, Peg gets that all-knowing look in her eye again, as if she not only was able to make sense of those lyrics on a superficial level, but she's managed to see a deeper meaning in them. Yeeeah. She could have a crystal ball and work for Dionne Warwick -- there's still no way she knows what the hell Eli's talking about. "Amazing," she lies. "Shut up," Eli blushes. You should heed your own advice, mister. Granny manages to keep a straight face as she asks whether he's gotten any gigs yet. He says not really -- none that pay, anyway. "Oh, what's money, after all?" the geriatric hippie wants to know. Eli is a little more realistic: "A lot. Especially if I'm going to support myself this way." Okay, he was realistic with the first part of the answer. Granny wants to know whether Rick really has a problem with all this. Eli says that Rick thinks he's ruining his life, that he's dreaming. Any arguments? Good, let's continue. "It's a teenager's right to ruin his future," Grandma Corruption proclaims. Okay, I appreciate that she thinks she's supporting Eli, but I really don't like that she's playing the little devil to Rick's little angel on Eli's shoulders. It would be one thing if Eli had a modicum of talent and even a whisper of a prayer to make it professionally. But we all know that's not the case. Peg continues stirring the pot, saying that Rick's forgotten he was ever a teenager. Eli launches a mocking recitation of Rick's teen years, describing him as the ultimate golden boy. Granny, however, has a very different version of history: "Your father and his brother were just this side of delinquents." She recounts how she was on a first-name basis with the principal, and how he almost cried once at the thought of Rick's wasting his potential. Eli is stunned. "How can I use this against him?" he wonders. Granny cackles.