Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Can Call Me Al
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 04.29.2002
The Zapper tells Mayweather and Quantum to follow him. He leads them into a well-appointed room where Dean Stockwell -- in a properly dramatic moment for those who didn't know he was guest-starring -- turns and regards his guests. He thanks the Zapper, calling him "Major," who then promptly leaves. Dean "Kareem Al-Jabbar" Stockwell asks the two crewmen to be seated. They remain standing. Mayweather even adopts a military stance by standing with his arms crossed behind his back, shoulders squared-off. Al apologizes to the two men for not seeing them earlier and for their undoubtedly "difficult afternoon." "We don't see many starship captains here," Al says, picking up a PDA and tapping it. Was it my imagination or did the PDA whisper faintly of the Lucite PDA of Quantum Leap? "Jonathan Archer?" Al asks. "Oh, boy!" Quantum says, really meaning, "That's right." Al turns to Mayweather and proves that this PDA is just as good as talking to Ziggy by revealing that he knows this erstwhile cast member's name as well, which is more than we can say for a lot of us and we've been watching since the beginning! "And you are?" Mayweather asks. Al says he's Col. Grat. "I take it you're the man in charge?" Quantum asks.
Without seeing the need to answer, AlGrat tells them that he rifled their sh'pod files and discovered their ship's name is Enterprise and they're from "a planet called Earth." Sort of like A Girl Named Sooner but without all the animals and depressing bits. "What I don't know is what you were doing within our military zone!" AlGrat raises his voice. May-Weebles-Wobble-But- They-Don't-Fall-Down and Quantum exchange surprised looks and Quantum repeats, "Military zone?" AlGrat informs them they had entered orbit around their second moon. "You must've detected it," he tells them. Whether he's referring to the moon or the military zone is a trifle foggy in my em-beered mind. "We don't have very good instruments," Quantum admits. Well, that's what he should've admitted because it's obviously the truth, but what he actually says is that they picked up some energy readings they couldn't figure out. In the biggest understatement on UPN this season, Quantum says, "We were simply curious." AlGrat tells him their "curiosity" almost got them killed. But satisfaction would've brought them back, right? "Fortunately, our patrol ship didn't vaporize your shuttlecraft," AlGrat says. "You might think about putting up a 'no trespassing' sign," Quantum suggests. Because you would pay attention to that, eh, Cpt. Dunderhead? AlGrat responds dryly that they'll consider it.