Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Can Call Me Al
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 04.29.2002
Quantum asks where they are and is told they're in a detention complex, several light years from where they were almost vaporized. Mayweather asks if everyone who violates their territory gets similar red-carpet treatment. AlGrat explains they're at war with "a species that can mimic the appearance of almost any humanoid" so they had to be certain Mayweather and Quantum weren't "infiltrators." "If you're worried we're Suliban, we're not," Mayweather announces. Ah, but see, that's just what someone who was a Suliban would say. Luckily, AlGrat agrees with Mayweather because they snitched a few of their personal double helixes and checked them out. "You're familiar with the Cabal?" AlGrat asks Quantum, who feels the sudden urge to sit down in order to answer, "Unfortunately." AlGrat says that they must be aware of their genetic enhancements and how dangerous they are. Quantum tells him they've experienced both firsthand, and AlGrat hopes they haven't suffered too many casualties. Quantum looks at Mayweather, who for some reason doesn't meet his gaze, and tells their host-jailer that they've been lucky "so far." Quantum tells AlGrat they're antsy to get back to their ship and would appreciate being at liberty to do just that. AlGrat apologizes, informing them he doesn't have the authority to affect their release, and that they will have to appear before a magistrate on Tandar Prime. "But the hearing should be brief. I'll explain that this was just an innocent misunderstanding," AlGrat says. Quantum asks when the hearing is and AlGrat tells him their transport will arrive in three days. "Three days!?" Mayweather exclaims. AlGrat ignores him and says he wishes he could offer them better room and board, but they're a bit overbooked for the nonce. War is their busy season. "I would advise you to keep to yourselves. If the Suliban give you any trouble, simply tell one of the guards," AlGrat goes on. Quantum says he wants to call home and tell T'Pol and the rest of the Lost Boys that they're okay. AlGrat tells him his regulations won't allow that, but he will take it upon himself to contact them and explain what's going down. AlGrat pushes a button and Major Zapper appears. "Escort these gentlemen back to their quarters -- make sure that they get a proper meal," he orders. "I'm sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances," AlGrat says to Quantum in parting. Quantum agrees. They leave.
A view of the cozy cell bloc at night. Looks like they keep the fires burning, at home and in their hearts. I don't know. Draped in a stadium blanket, May-Widget pushes some mush around in a bowl. "They call this 'a proper meal'?" he whines. "I should save this for Commander Tucker. It'd make a good valve sealant." See, that's not even slightly on the French-lady-raising-her-brows- saying-"Tres amusant"-while-flicking- ash-from-her-Gauloise-blonde side, because back in "Shuttlepod One," we stripped that joke down and sold it for parts. It was stupid then and it's even stupider when mimicked by Johnny-No-Part here. Possibly because he's as tired as we are of listening to May-Whimper, Quantum suggests he get some sleep, while he takes the first watch. "The first watch"? What is this, Guantanamo Bay? May-Whinge nods and tries to pour himself some water from a little bucket. "This thing doesn't hold much," he comments. Fed up with his glop and Mayweather's kvetching, Quantum puts down his bowl and grabs the little tin bucket. "I'll be right back," he says and leaves their cell. He's going to throw up, isn't he?