Episode Report Card Potes: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Not So Great Outdoors
By Potes | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 08.12.2012
In breaking news, Teresa's ankle still hurts and she whines a bunch. Caroline suggests that she wrap her ankle and ice it, and Jacqueline gets the first aid kit. Lauren helps to wrap it, as she's had experience with a broken foot. Jacqueline looks very sad, which makes Teresa sad. Teresa tells us that she still hasn't given up on their friendship. Then Juicy carries Teresa into their RV while telling her how heavy she is. Charming!
The next morning, Teresa's swollen ankle prevents her from wearing a pair of ugly-ass boots. Instead, she wears one ugly-ass boot, because she is the type of human who perseveres under great duress. The Wakiles invite Lauren on their bus for the next leg of the journey, which is fortunate for her as she gets to miss the conversation in the Manzo bus about who has had the most sex on the trip. Jacqueline and Chris have had sex, which comes as news to Caroline and Al. Caroline claims that she was sound asleep and did not feel the RV rocking. Chris says to Jacqueline, "I think your mother heard you last night," and she replies that she tried to be quiet. Christopher basically wants to die.
On the Gorga/Giudice bus, conversation turns to how way back when Teresa told Melissa that the Gorga parents wouldn't like her because she had fake boobs. And now Teresa has fake boobs too! Remember when Teresa was an A-cup in early seasons? We were all so innocent then!
After a break, Albie calls Lindsey on the phone and Lindsey talks about bringing boxes to her new apartment. Everyone hears and asks a bunch of questions, and Albie has to admit that she moved in with them. Caroline is happy for Albie but not really, and Lauren doesn't know about the whole thing yet. But when she does, hopefully the second generation Manzo feud will commence! In the Gorga/Giudice RV, everyone is very flummoxed by the fact that the Golden Gate Bridge is not, in fact, gold. They think the Golden Gate Bridge is just another stupid bridge, and anyway it pales in size compared to their penises. And then Christopher contacts Lauren on the walkie-talkie to tell her that Lindsey is their new roommate, and Lauren is mad that no one had the decency to tell her in person. Her real issue, though, is that she thinks she's being replaced by someone prettier and thinner. You got a man, Lauren Manzo! Buck up and let people live their lives!
And then everyone freaks out because they have no cell phone service and can't tweet nasty things to or about each other for two days. They drive further into the woods and encounter hillbilly hitchhikers. Teresa fears the same crazy psycho lunatics who give me hope that no one makes it out alive. Except, maybe Lauren Manzo makes it out alive, just so we can have a sequel. Everyone basically thinks that Chris and Jacqueline are the worst vacation planners ever. It turns out that Casini Ranch is deserted. EXCEPT FOR THE DEMENTED LUNATIC WHO ROAMS THE WOODS AT NIGHT! Oh, wait, that's just Joe Giudice. Rich, Chris and Juicy go to the local store, which is not the most well-stocked establishment except in the areas of mood rings and Wiffle Ball. So, everyone is going to starve. It's not my preferred method of death for this cast, but I'll take it. Vito looks like he might cry, and that he's actually considering if you can cook and eat a Wiffle Ball bat.