Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Silik Stalkings
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.14.2004
"German dive-bombers," Reed says on Enterprise. "Schhhtukas. Nothing too much to worry about -- however, they were fitted with sirens to frighten the enemy during an attack." Reed starts to smell the fart as he says, "They're five-seven-point-nine millimeter rounds." T'Pol gets sick of Reed's drool ruining the nap of her velour and calls him back to attention. So, the whole point of that speech was to character-build Reed as a gun- and bomb-loving freak, right? Good thing WE DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT THREE SEASONS AGO! Reed still can't see the time machine factory in his range. The schhhtukas whine in and fire at Enterprise in a CGI dogfight that could have been much, much better. Come on, people, we've seen this show present effects and production values that are far superior to this -- why are we satisfied with this sort of pabulum? The schhhtukas actually have some sort of effect on Enterprise as things spark. "It appears that bullets and sirens aren't all they have," T'Pol notes in a strange overdub. "Photonic torpedoes," Quantum announces, stepping onto the Bridge. I assume their scanners must still be down, because otherwise Reed's an idiot for spouting what the schhhtukas were historically equipped with and not even determining what they actually have now.
The Enterprise warp core gets all excited as it gears up to play the double role of the time machine. Blue electric waves show up in a doorway as the conduit starts to open in the form of a wormhole. Or in the form of the Tom Baker Doctor Who opener. "It's holding!" an Alienazi announces.
Enterprise flies over the New York skyline, getting closer to the time machine facility and shooting all the way. I hope that when they miss the schhhtukas, they aren't actually destroying buildings or killing people on the ground. I mean, is anyone even considering of that kind of shit?
Camel Taupe whispers, "Destiny," and steps into the Quantum Leap accelerator. I'm not even going to get into a Destiny vs. Free Will philosophical discussion and the implications thereof when you don't really accept your own destiny, and instead time leap around in order to mess with it, because Camel Taupe wasn't on long enough for me to really care. Camel Taupe further infuriates me by stepping sloooowly into the portal, giving Enterprise more time to target them. Like, just jump through the damn hoop, already, because the nightingale's gearing up to sing in Berkeley Square!