Episode Report Card Niki: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Booklovers
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.30.2000
Cut to a raw chicken with someone's hand rammed up its cavity. "You know it's sad," Lily's voice complains. It is, you know. I think I'm off chicken for at least a week now. "I've watched her delude herself like this so many times," she condescends. Because, as we all know, Lily doesn't practice delusion. She's a feet-firmly-on-the-ground, face-your-troubles-head-on kinda gal. Rick (he's the one with his fist up the bird) points out that matchmaking is a big business. Which may be true, but it's not the reaction Lily was going for. "Oh!" she grunts. "It's just that I've lived through all this before. She has a new plan, and when it all goes kaffluey, it's my job to piece her back together again." Then she proceeds to list all the things already occupying her time. "I don't have time for her screw-ups," she proclaims. Oh, get over yourself. Besides, it's not like Judy's opening a whole new business. If it doesn't fly, what's she out, really? The cost of an ad in the newspaper. Oh, god, Lily's still not finished griping. She complains that Judy's even thinking of changing the name of the store, to "Booklovers." Again, she says it like it's the name of some porno mag with sticky pages. Rick looks thoughtful, weighing the new name. "What, you think that's a better name?" Lily whines accusatorily. Rick wisely chooses not to answer, but instead changes the subject to how people will choose one another, wondering if it'll be based on the book that they recommend. Nice one, man, you just set her off again. Lily snaps, "Exactly!" Exactly, what? All he did was ask a question. But of course, Lily twists it around, saying, "It's too complicated! Asking people to pick just one title, out of all the books they've read? Your mind goes blank." It's a little hard to pick just one, I'll give her that, but it's not exactly neuroscience, either. You like someone's picture, you like their book, you ask them out. The system's not exactly "complicated." Rick demonstrates the simplicity of the thing by saying almost immediately, "In Cold Blood." What's he getting at, exactly? Lily looks taken aback, saying, "That's your favorite book?" Unfazed, Rick insists that it's a classic. "I know, it's just that it's so dark," Lily says. She watches him attack the chicken with the cleaver, flinching a little, since you obviously cannot trust a guy who loves true-crime books. Rick says, "You know [whack], I always thought [whack] 'My Sister's Bookstore' [whack] made it sound like it was mainly for women." Lily watches the cleaver and manages to bite her tongue. That's all it takes to shut her up? He asks if there's anything else for him to cut up, and Lily watches him wipe the cleaver lovingly. (Hey, ABC, there's a bogus teaser you can use: Rick gets sick of Lily's whining and griping and...WHACK! And then, of course, we'd find out he was just chopping broccoli or some shit.)
Cut to a club, where the melancholy jazz from earlier is playing again. This time it's live, as the camera pans the drummer, a guy playing stand-up bass, and the singer, some puffy white guy in a suit who's doing a really poor job of lip-synching. He could very well be the actual vocalist, but I have my doubts that Wally from Leave it to Beaver grew up to be a jazz singer. Anyway, the camera pans over to Judy and her friend (the same woman who was in the Polaroid earlier) just walking in. It turns out it's not a club at all - it's the restaurant. The place is jammed since the review (mentioned last week) came out in the Tribune. Clap, clap, writers -- nice continuity. Judy is amazed to see the place so full. "Judy?" a woman's voice asks. It's just flaky enough for me to identify it as belonging to Tiffany, Jake's little girlfriend. She introduces herself, and Jake joins them. He and Judy are very chummy, giving one another a big friendly hug and kissy on the cheek. Tiffany is still blathering: "So, I said to Jake, 'Does she look anything like Lily?' - because I've met Lily before -- and he was like, 'No, not at all.'" She punctuates her idiocy with a giggle, while Jake looks like he wants to eat his own head. Judy, of course, takes the remark as an insult, since Lily is universally recognized as The Beauty. She and her friend exchange a look.