Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | 479 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Bertram is Evil. Evil!
By Couch Baron | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2009.09.27
...and we cut to him driving down a darkened road, sipping his drink as he goes. If he keeps that up, I know where he's going to end up, and it won't take three years to get there, either.
Cut to Duck and Peggy in bed, and he tells her he loves the taste of liquor on her breath...
...and then we cut right back to Don drinking, and the sequence there disturbs me in a whole new way but let's not get into it here, because on the side of the road, Don sees a young couple trying to hitch a ride, and on a whim, he pulls over. He asks where they're headed, and the girl says Niagara Falls, but the guy quickly says they'll settle for the nearest motel. Don has them hop in, and after they introduce themselves as "Doug" and "Sandy," Sandy tells Don they're going to get married even though they're not really in love and don't particularly know each other -- they're doing it so Doug, as a married person, won't be eligible for the draft for VIETNAM. (I'm capitalizing the mentions from now on so you'll know to pay attention.) The kids then chuckle about Don being an ad man and then exposit that they're high and offer Don two Phenobarbital pills as a substitute for gas money, which he downs before tossing his drink out the window. I don't know how long it takes those things to take effect, but I'm guessing the motel guy is going to have an eye-rolling time checking this party in.
When we return, the pills have definitely kicked in to some degree, as Don looks goofy and giddy as he dances with Sandy. The group has also managed to procure some booze, although it wouldn't shock me if Don had it in the back seat for emergencies, and after opining that school is for losers, which is why he won't go back to get out of serving, Doug repossesses his girl with some comments about Don watching them that threaten to take us to premium cable territory. However, a less risqué but equally disturbing thing happens when Don suddenly hallucinates his notorious father Archie in the chair in front of him. He cracks Don up with a joke about hillbillies and their deviant ways, and although it's pretty funny I don't think Don's the most discriminating audience at the moment. Doug, who no longer seems so friendly toward Don, asks what he's laughing at, but he then devotes his attention to making out with Sandy on the other bed, leaving Archie free to tell Don he's a bum. This, I think, is the final piece of why it's being hammered home how much Don hates to have other people see him -- they might learn that he's Dick Whitman, a fraud. Even though that's never really come back to bite him, he's still terrified and feels the need to retain the option of running. Archie snickers that you wouldn't expect Connie to be taken in so easily, which is ironic because Don did tell him about his modest beginnings, and goes on that Don's hands are soft like a woman's, because he doesn't do anything. "You grow bullshit." Don is growing increasingly heavy-lidded, but not quickly enough for the kids, who can't believe he's still awake after taking two of the pills. He's not an amateur, here. Doug, however, takes it upon himself to counter Don's extreme tolerance by punching him in the back of the head, and Don goes down like one of the better-looking trees in the Hudson River Valley...