Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "When You Wake Up In The Morning, What Do You Hear?"
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 03.06.2003
Emperor Staleek walks down a corridor, led by his armor knob and followed by Ahkna. Jenek steps up with a good scan of the bomb. "Sire...decoding it could take some time." Staleek tells him that's not exactly true, should Jenek "expect to prosper," and just keeps walking. The Emperor and Ahkna join John and Aeryn in the war room. "Couldn't figure a way to disarm my bomb, huh?" John sits at the edge of the table; Staleek offers him some more of the red blossoms that are in every room on Katratzi: "Refreshment?" John spits out the spiky red petal immediately, and Staleek and Ahkna grin: "Crystherium Utilia. An acquired taste." John calls it "streletzia hummingbird feeder" and picks it out of his teeth. He then fucks up majorly. "Bird of Paradise? Yeah. Mom's garden. Dime a dozen. Did you come all this way to discuss botany?" Staleek's jaw nearly drops but nobody sees him before his composure is back: Aeryn completes the sentence: "Or to make an offer?" Ahkna, as usual, calls bullshit: "Have you got anything to offer, or is all this just an elaborate bluff?" I bet Ahkna is just ridiculous about customer-service issues.
"Did you really lose my luggage? Or is this an elaborate bluff?"
"Did you not hear me say 'no mayo'? Or is this just an elaborate bluff?"
"I might be interested in a timeshare at Vail...unless this is an elaborate bluff!"
"Is that a nuclear bomb in your pocket, or are you lying about having wormhole weapons?"
John's like, "For real you don't think I can control wormholes? Because you totally stole my girlfriend and somebody's baby on the off chance, and you've got Scorpius Aurora'd but good on the off chance, and you haven't shot me in the face on the off chance, and the Peacekeepers are running all over your highly guarded secret base being rude to the waiters -- also on the off chance -- so like, for real?" Staleek's like, "Need proof." John and Aeryn, slickly, have just the patter prepared for this. Aeryn slides a data chip across the table to the Emperor, and John says they can meet him halfway. "Navigational data chip," Aeryn explains. "Local star chart. Send a ship to the designated coordinates, and let us know when they arrive." Ahkna asks, "Why?" and Aeryn tells her. "Proof." John starts to go wild again: "Command performance: we're gonna put on the wormhole show, just for you." Neither of them touches the chip, so John grabs it back again and offers to show it to somebody more interested. Like Grayza. Because Staleek is like a really, really tall fifth-grader, he is cowed by this maneuver, and takes the chip. He and Ahkna bounce, leaving John and Aeryn standing in the war room. Aeryn is wearing the biggest smile you've ever seen.
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