Episode Report Card Erin: B+ | 48 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Heroes Here, Heroes There, Heroes Everywhere!
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2006.10.16
There's another bright flash of light, and we get the title card telling us that we're at Chapter Four: Collision. Only this time, the title seems to be appearing on Claire's naked chest as a scalpel splits it in half. Oh, that's just gross. And yet totally cool at the same time. The coroner peels back Claire's skin and records, "Jane Doe. Roughly sixteen years of age, pulled out of Red River Creek at approximately 4:00 AM this morning. She was naked and dragged, likely in an attempt to hide the body. Secondary injuries are post mortem." Oh, Christ on an ocean cruiser -- Jock the Rapist actually DRAGGED her somewhere? That is just sick. I hate him so very much. At this point, the coroner pulls the chicken leg branch out of Claire's skull, and we see that the part of the branch that was in her head is about six inches long. Damn. The coroner drops it into a steel basin as Claire's skin closes up around the wound without the coroner noticing. "Appears to be the victim of homicide, possibly accidental." Accidental MY ASS.
The phone rings and the coroner goes to get it. While she's gone, Claire comes back to life. She looks around and sees herself flayed open and, instead of the "Holy sh--" we heard at the end of the last episode, Claire just goes, "Oh my God!" I hate continuity mishaps like that. She didn't say "Oh my God" at the end of the last episode, did she? DID SHE? Angel of Continuity? I AM TALKING TO YOU. Wouldn't it have been much better if Claire had said, "Holy sh--" and we'd cut to the coroner on the phone? Angel? Are you hearing me? Oh, for fuck's sake. Take the earbuds out of your ears and have an espresso or something; you're really pissing me off.
So, whatever, Claire realizes what's happened and she quickly pulls her flayed skin over her internal organs and it immediately knits together seamlessly. She jumps off the table, grabs a lab coat from a hook, and hides behind the door when the coroner enters the room. She escapes through the door just as the coroner realizes her dead body has disappeared. The door slams shut behind her, which is either magic or a really big draft.
It's time for the Heroes On A Planet Filled With Eclipse title appearance. There's no credit sequence or music to go with it, so I can't even DANCE, people. There is no DANCING. I am so sad. But it's also kind of appropriate, so I'm oddly okay with it. Also? I really want to see that new Will Ferrell movie; not because of Will Ferrell (although, I do love him so), but because of Emma Thompson, who I think would be an awesome chick to hang out with at a bar while playing pool. She and Janeane Garafalo. And possibly Jamie Pressly. God, we'd be so drunk. It wouldn't be pretty. But boy, would it be FUN.