Episode Report Card M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Melon Vs. Melon
By M. Giant | Season 17 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.26.2010
Kevin's going to be the one to launch watermelons. Gary's working on his as Kevin says, "This is so cool. I just rode a horse." Yes, that's the kind of uniquely exotic experience the Amazing Race is all about. Meanwhile, Chad and his persistently pantsless girlfriend are still wandering the grounds. She's exercising the legs this much, she might as well show them off.
Nick and Vicky follow the marked path to the boats. Actually, past the boats. Several times. Again, at least they know they're being dumb, but ain't no Fast Forward for knowing your limitations.
Finally -- finally -- Ron and Tony arrive at the Eastnor Castle clue box, officially in last place. Can they catch up with Nick and Vicky, the former of whom is literally saying, "We might be our boat"? They start to wonder if the teams ahead of them took all the boats and now they'll have to go back to the castle and get one. Because they still don't see the boats behind them, even though their camera guy keeps zooming in ironically on them. Along with my GPS, I'm going to bring a pair of sunglasses that secretly gives me a live feed from the nearest camera. It takes a whole commercial break before they spot the little round shells, and they are even more deeply embarrassed. "Morons," Nick says. "God, we're dummies," Vicky interviews. Now let's see how they do actually getting into the boat. After we check in with Andie and Jenna long enough to learn that the latter is doing the Road Block, we see the bikers losing control of their boat almost immediately, but Nick gets it back to shore before it totally capsizes. Which is not to say that Vicky gets out before that happens.
Ron and Tony scale the wall, and Nick and Vicky figure out that they can both straddle the one seat, which puts on of them in front and one in back, which makes for good balance and a solid method. Perhaps their biking background helped them out there. But Ron and Tony have their flag and are determined to "catch them." Maybe Nick and Vicky are dumb enough to catch, but Ron's use of the plural when referring to other teams is a little overoptimistic, methinks.
Chad and Stephanie are still in search of Phil. "I really do feel like I'm in The Hobbit now," she says.
Gary and Kevin knock down their knights almost simultaneously, putting their teams close together in rank. But Chad and Stephanie are finally closing in on the mat, so it's going to be a nail-biter for sixth place. Gary spots Phil first, and Mallory's screaming is like a sonic beacon leading the other teams in the right direction. She screams all the way to the mat, and all the way on it, finally collecting herself enough to politely say to him, "Hi, Phil," like he has any eardrums left at all. Michael and Kevin join them on the mat for high-fives all around, and Phil checks them in as teams number six and seven, respectively. Mallory remarks on how they're father/son and father/daughter. "People thought these old guys couldn't do anything," she "jokes." Who thought that, exactly?
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