Episode Report Card Niki: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Losing You
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.07.2002
Cut to a close-up of a small notebook and pen on a bedside table. Barbara's hands lift them off the table, and she whispers, "We have our little secrets, don't we," to her porcelain doll, Martha, who's now perched against the lamp. Bea makes a quick notation then sets the book down again, satisfied. She smiles at the doll before lying back and closing her eyes with a weary sigh. Lily pokes her head in the door and asks Barbara if she's awake. Bea sits up, saying that it's very difficult to sleep when you're not in your own bed. Lily apologizes for Zoe's outburst earlier, and adds that she wants the two of them to get along. Bea assures her they'll be fine. Lily enters the room with a throw blanket, and spreads it over the bed. She moves toward the door, but stops when Bea blurts, "It's so hard, Lily. You have no idea." Lily comes and sits on the bed, gently asking, "You mean, since Daddy died?" Bea doesn't answer, but after a second, points to Martha and says she had a doll just like her when she was a girl. Lily closes her eyes to steady herself and tells Bea that Martha is her doll. Barbara looks confused and asks why it's there, then. Lily fights to remain patient and reminds Barbara that she gave Martha to Lily a long time ago. Barbara picks up the doll, saying, "Of course I did! I'm just surprised she's in such good condition. You were always so hard on your things." Lily chuckles and changes the subject, saying that sometimes she feels like she and Bea don't even know each other. Barbara smells sentimentality in the air and tries to wave it away: "That's silly." Lily admits that it does sound silly. She's not going to give up that easily, though, and changes tactics, saying that she wishes she knew what Bea was like as a little girl, what her dreams were. "Long ago," Bea says gruffly, turning to arrange her pillows. Lily presses on, saying she wonders what it was like when Bea was pregnant with her and Judy, and how she felt. Yeah, well, it's too bad Bea only likes sharing those things with strangers. Lily waits, smiling expectantly, as Bea turns to face her. "Lily, I can't do whatever it is you want me to do right now. I can't be your best friend. I had your father for that. I'm not like you. I don't want to talk about every little feeling and analyze it to death." Wounded, Lily asks, "Is that what you think I do?" "Yes, I do!" Bea snaps. Lily asks why it's "so damn difficult" for Barbara to talk about her feelings. "Because my life is mine," Bea grits, "and it's not for anyone else to examine and to judge." Lily sighs and tilts her head back to hold off the tears. "Okay," she says. "I think you must be tired. You should go to bed," Bea says, oh-so-subtly. This is one clue Lily doesn't miss. As she reaches the door, Bea asks what time the party is the next night. Lily says seven. Bea says they should leave by 6:45, then. Deflated, Lily says "all right," and slowly closes the door behind her.