Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Operation: Betty Sexification!
By Monty Ashley | Season 3 | Episode 19 | Aired on 03.19.2009
In Helen's office, Helen assures Betty that she can say or not say anything she wants to say. Or not say. Betty asks Matt what his deal is and immediately starts telling him that it's okay if he doesn't like her "that way" or if he's a virgin and so on, until Matt can finally get a word in. No, Matt is not virgin. He's been with a lot of women. A lot of women. But now he's made a contract with Helen that he wouldn't have sex with anyone he hadn't made a connection with. So when he got close to Betty, he freaked out and had to go talk to Helen. Betty claims that this clears everything up.
Talking to Daniel, Betty makes it clear that everything is not cleared up. She thinks Matt's had sex with hundreds of women. "Man, what a dog!" says Daniel, approvingly. Although he then realizes that maybe he shouldn't be praising Matt's horndog behavior. Moving on, Betty tells Daniel she's looking forward to hearing Molly read her poem. Daniel tells her that he made Molly change poems, because "I can't exactly have her reading stuff about her sex life in front of everyone I work with." Betty points out that his sex life has been obnoxiously public for years and thinks he doesn't mind people knowing he's a playboy, but doesn't want people knowing he cries when he's with the woman he loves. Does he cry during the sex? That's kind of weird. Daniel: "Okay, you're making me sound like an ass." Betty: "Well, you kind of are." It's true. Betty runs it down for him about how his dying girlfriend wrote a poem about how much she loves him and now he's trying to stifle it. She leaves, and he looks like he feels like a jerk.
Queens! Hilda does Betty's hair and Betty is surprised that Hilda apologized to Archie. Archie is coming over in an hour and Hilda's going to patch things up with him. Betty's now bothered by the idea of sex with Matt, because she'll feel like "one of hundreds". The doorbell rings, but it is not Archie. It's Felissa, saying "I decided I want Archie back." The music clearly assumes there's going to be a catfight. Felissa informs Hilda that "Archie loves him some vanilla ice cream" as she points to herself. Hilda is not about to be out-food-metaphored, though: "Well, no offence, but I don't think Archie's gonna go back to vanilla when he has tasted hot, melted caramel surprise." Felissa has had enough of the metaphor game: "What's the surprise? Your fat ass?" And it is on. Felissa pours some gunk over a wig, and there's a fight with Betty in the middle. Archie shows up to see the action, and we cut to: