Episode Report Card Potes: A | 14 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT All Work and No Play Makes Joe a Dullard
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.14.2013
Before things do go completely downhill, we get a mini-clip of one of the team building games which, I shit you not, is thumb wrestling. As a human thumb, Juicy gets to use his whole body, and it is quite something to see.
So, loyalty. Teresa says that she'll always love Joe no matter what he does to her, and he says that if she cuts out all the evil and bitterness they can at least not be enemies. In an interview, however, he says that she tries to hurt him behind his back and has no heart. Teresa then starts talking about Jacqueline again, and how she's not there, then gets into the incident at the Posche fashion show, because why not relive that one more time? Teresa of course feels that it's Jacqueline's fault that she hasn't spoken to her brother in a year, which the Gorgas deny. She doesn't enjoy it when Melissa butts in, and wants her to stop speaking for Joe and to generally shut the fuck up. Juicy interjects to quite sensibly say that if Teresa and Joe want to mend, they have to do it, and he and Melissa and Jacqueline need not be involved. He's just trying to get out of the retreat, right? Teresa continues to go on about Jacqueline, and eventually Joe and Melissa laugh about how Teresa never takes any blame for anything. At this point, Juicy invites Rosie outside for a sip. He's frustrated that Joe blames Teresa for everything that anyone says, and says that one day he (Juicy) is going to get really mad and lose it. He has promised Teresa's dad that he won't beat the shit out of Joe, but what happens in the maze of hedges stays in the maze of hedges.
Inside, Joe and Teresa are totally screaming at each other. Steve tries to intervene, to no avail. Poor Steve. Then Melissa gets involved and we get the scene that we've been promised for weeks, with her getting on her knees and begging Teresa to stop hurting them. And then, more screaming. Melissa screams that she forgives Teresa ("For what?" asks Teresa in an interview) and goes on and on about how she has no pride now and ALSO is not a total drama queen who is adding fuel to the moronic fire. Steve and Stephanie look awfully nervous, as they should. Melissa tells us that Teresa needs prescription drugs, and is a monster, and is always there when someone is talking bad about her. Teresa yells that Melissa wants to take her kids away, and Melissa in turn yells that Teresa is poison, and not the good kind of poison that Joe Gorga needs to expel twice a day. Oy.
Joe tells Steve and Stephanie that he appreciates their efforts, but it's a waste of time. Teresa in turn tells him that he's disappointing their family. She wants him to stick with his sister since blood is thicker than water, and then they play a game of shame on you/shame on me, which is incredibly popular in the whole Real Housewives pantheon. Melissa breaks in to ask why they would stick with the people who hurt them most. Teresa tells us that this all isn't coming from Joe, but from Melissa who has been chirpin' in his ear. Sqirpin' like a chirpin'! She thinks he's being a bitch. Again, she tells him to grow some balls and stick with his blood. Joe replies, "I ain't sticking with scum like you." Kathy interjects to say that wasn't right. At least he didn't tell her to go scratch? Joe doesn't care, and says that he's going to call her scum because she is scum, and then gets mad when she leaves.