Episode Report Card Potes: A- | 70 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT That's a Spicy Meatball!
By Potes | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 2012.04.29
In other meatball party news, TERESA IS COMING. Caroline wants everyone to stay calm, as if. Teresa and Juicy arrive, and Teresa notes that the air is thick with shit-talk. She claims to be unafraid, however, because she can sleep with a clear conscience. She is not sure if the others can do the same. I am not sure if Teresa has -- how can I say...-- the capacity to have a conscience. Just when it seems like things might start to go down, Lauren's boyfriend Vito enters. So that distracts everyone for a while. And then Teresa has an announcement to make, but everyone is too busy talking about the meatballs to pay attention. But Teresa persists, and it turns out she has something to say about her book. She didn't write the book to offend anyone, and so apologizes to anyone who might have been offended. Cue awkward silence. Rich finally asks if Teresa is going to pull the book off the shelf and reprint it. Teresa is not, duh. And she claims to have written a lot of great things about people, too. And then poor Teresa tries to overexplain things in her somewhat vapid way, and Melissa and Joe Gorga just look around like she's a total asshole, and then Melissa says that they're willing to take one for the team if it means that Teresa can make a little extra cash. See, Melissa is so shady. I actually think that she might be the worst one. Though, I mean, they're all the worst. It really is a Sophie's choice.
The men head to the man cave to play poker or watch porn or whatever, while the ladies hang out in the kitchen. As usual, the men's gathering is full of homoerotic energy, which manifests itself in some sort of argument over who's taller. And then there is a ruckus, and suddenly it's the next day and Juicy Joe has a black eye! Joe Gorga explains to Melissa what happened. Apparently, Juicy was giving Joe Gorga shit about his height, and Rich challenged Juicy to stand up next to him, and then...wait for it...Juicy attempted to grab Rich by the balls. Melissa asks a really astute question: "Why did Joe Giudice go to grab his balls?" I mean. Then we get Juicy Joe's version of the story, which is pretty much the same with the added detail that he couldn't FIND Rich's nuts. The upshot for Juicy is that Rich has pebbles for nuts. I love how the fact that he was attempting to grab another man's testicles isn't even an issue. Chris Manzo the elder tells us that both Rich and Juicy went down on the couch, and then someone's penis accidentally slid into someone else's orifice, and then Juicy got hit in the eye with a candlestick holder. I mean, it makes as much sense as anything else on this show. Rich notes that he might not be man enough to drive his big truck into a tree, but he's the one who managed to give Juicy a black eye and a bloody nose, and also teabagging. And then as the perfect capper, Juicy notices that he's cooking with a pink spoon and one of the little monsters points at him and goes, "Cause you're a girl!" It's a charmed life, truly. Meanwhile, Teresa heads off to a book singing, and Melissa theorizes that Juicy Joe acts like such a dick because he's completely emasculated.