Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Putting Out, With Dark Sunglasses
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 06.17.1999
Kornata reveals Zhaan's star map. "Go ahead, Zhaan," says Namtar. Her DNA has revealed where they are in relation to where she belongs. Which -- before the credits -- you know it is the problem, and not just because without homelessness there's no show. It's the problem because she's not ready for home yet. "My genetic database holds information on nearly 11 million species," Namtar explains to John. "It is simple for me to take a genetic sampling of a being and pinpoint the location of its origin." Lots of talk but that's all it really is. Zhaan has feelings about her map, and then begins to weep. "That's my home." It's pretty hard to watch. Almost earns it.
But lest it get too hard, Rygel busts in: "You're gonna do this for me, too, right?" Worthless dialogue. Namtar's like, "Duh." He mentions that his maps would also include the ways to avoid any Peacekeeper jurisdictions along the way. "That is what you came here for, isn't it?" The worse yours. Namtar waves his hand and the solar map disappears; Rygel grunts.
Namtar talks about how awesome it is to be able to help them, which is a great way to identify the bad guys in the Uncharted Territories, and then Rygel brings up how broke-ass they are. Zhaan worries that he's going to ask for Moya, but Namtar pshaws: "My interest isn't in your ship, but in your ship's Pilot." And that's when Jacob would turn around and leave, but the whole thing about this episode is that Zhaan and Rygel and D'Argo are assholes this week for some reason. It's a great story, don't get me wrong, but you have to buy that the three of them will do anything to get home in order for the rest of the show to make sense, and I don't. Zhaan was a political prisoner -- and the only cast member to be justly jailed for her crimes -- and D'Argo was a victim of the chiffarobe, and Rygel has nothing to go back to, no matter what he says. So it's iffy. But you gotta buy it right now, for the season itself to make sense, so here it is: the three of them would do anything to get home. Things you don't think they would do. This episode should have been earlier in the season, much as I love it.
"What do you want with him?" asks Aeryn, who loves Pilot more than anyone but John, for reasons I'm not going to go on and on about, and Namtar explains that his "research will be greatly enhanced by genetic material from such an extraordinary species." Like a sample, John assumes. Like Namtar took from the rest of them. Even shot-in-the-dark Crichton. "...I'm afraid I'm going to need a bit more than I asked of you." Specifically? AN ARM. An ARM of my darling Pilot. Which would be the, what, fourth time I told this episode to fuck off, even in this opening scene? But the D'Argo/Zhaan/Rygel contingent gets it, and they're fine with it, and they can all go to hell.