Episode Report Card Erin: B | 291 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Michael's Got a Gun
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 2006.01.18
Hairy Guy launches into this bizarre analogy where he equates the plane crash survivors to guests going over to someone's house for the first time, and if you were a first-time guest, would you take off your shoes and put your feet up on the coffee table and walk into the kitchen and eat food that doesn't belong to you and open doors you have no business opening? I…no? I guess not? Huh? He goes on to quote someone who said something about how man has been blessed with curiosity, and does Jack know the other one about curiosity? You know, and the cat? And the getting killed? GET IT? "This is not your island," says Hairy Man, "this is our island. And the only reason you're living on it, is because we let you live on it." Well, technically, Hairy Man, unless you were around back when the earth was known as Pangaea and you were a little bit of plankton that started out clinging to the shores of what would eventually become Australasia, I don't think you can really call it your island. You're an island-crasher just like the Lostaways, you just crashed here first. I'm just callin' 'em like I see 'em.
Jack kind of smiles in an evil sort of way and says he doesn't believe him. Hairy Man's like, "Which part don't you believe? The thing about the curiosity or the thing about this being our island?" Jack doesn't believe that there are multiple Others. He thinks there's just one other guy out in the jungle with a gun and that if Hairy Man had any real strength, he wouldn't have had to send Ethan, the spy. "That's an interesting theory," says Hairy Man. "LIGHT 'EM UUUUUUP!" Suddenly, more than a dozen torches light up in a circle around the clearing. So much for that idea, Jack. Also? Way to taunt the hillbilly.
Hairy Man tells Jack that right at the clearing, they got a line that shouldn't be crossed. It gets crossed, and there's gonna be trouble. He orders them to give up their weapons and turn around and go home. "No," says Jack, making me think that maybe he had a lobotomy for breakfast. You're surrounded by a bunch of scary island-living hillbilly motherfuckers, Jack. GO HOME. Locke agrees with me, because he's like, duuuuuude. But Jack's not having any of it. He wants to stay and fight, dammit! "I hoped it wouldn't come to this," says Hairy Man. "Bring her out, Alex!" "Her" is Kate, of course, and Hairy Man rips the bag off her head and says that she was following them because she's a Nosy Parker who hates to be left behind. Jack pretends to agonize over this for a minute or two, and Sawyer tries to move forward to rescue Kate, but Hairy Man puts a gun to her head and tells Jack he has a decision to make, and the faux-tension here could be cut with a butter knife because, duh, he's totally going to choose Kate and they're all going to drop their weapons and go home with their tails between their legs.