Episode Report Card Demian: B | 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Let's Play Master And Servant
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.14.2004
Front hall. Big Gay Chris opens the door to find Hilton Cooties befouling the front porch. Chris gets amusingly snotty and attempts to slam the door in the guy's face. Hilton Cooties insists on seeing Piper, however, so Chris steps aside to invite him in, a shit-eating grin plastered all over Chris's face the entire time. As the two reach the parlor door, Chris telekinetically slumps Piper's head against the Dolt's chest and slings the Dolt's arm around her shoulders. Big Chris smirks, slides a faux-affable hand around his mother's would-be paramour's back, and too innocently wonders, "You want me to tell them you stopped by?" Hilton Cooties bails, never to be seen again.
Sun porch. That crappy "flying" carpet undulates into the room through the crack at the bottom of the doors and attacks the Crysticals' force field. The force field almost instantly shatters, but the carpet's destroyed in the process. Pity. Saba smirks in triumph and picks her way across the carpet's cindered remains.
Hall. Chris slams the door all, "Smell ya later, Cooties!" before ambling back into the parlor, where, to his shock and dismay, he discovers Saba lurking over his parents with a Flaming Ball Of Death. "Take me to the bottle," she demands. Pretty, pretty Big Gay Chris gasps.
Castle Montanague. As Raige slowly regains consciousness, Buttfuck assists her to her feet, spouting profuse apologies. "I'll make it up to you!" he promises, wheeling on Phoenie. "No!" Raige shouts. "No more wishes!" "It's not for me," Buttfuck claims, and goes on to prove that statement by wishing Phoenie free. Phoenie's immediately obscured by the powder-blue whirlwind, which blanches white as it engulfs Buttfuck. Phoebe reappears in her normal clothing. Buttfuck reappears in a disappointingly sedate black outfit that would not be out of place on Hamid Karzai. Dude. The women are forced into skimpy harem pants in eye-searing tones of lavender and teal, but Buttfuck's spared even a mildly embarrassing Akbar-and-Jeff-style fez? What the fuck ever. This show can blow me. Big Gay Chris orbs in with the FBOD-wielding Saba, and only because I happened to pause the tape at the moment they materialized did I notice the following production error: They've placed a small key light off-camera on the actors' right side to imitate the illumination caused by the FBOD hovering above Saba's outstretched palm. Unfortunately, Drew Fuller's standing between the key light and the FBOD, so the right side of both actors' faces are bathed in a flickering, yellowish glow when, really, the right side of Chris's face should be in shadow. Oh, well. They're both gorgeous, so let's not quibble, shall we? Saba hurls the FBOD at the Castle trio, who drop as one to the floor, leaving the FBOD to explode harmlessly elsewhere in the entrance hall. Saba then latches onto Chris's t-shirt and sends him flying through the air into a door. Man, Chris is getting the crap kicked out of him tonight. Saba strides across the room to snatch up the bottle from its place on the table, and bellows, "Genie, I wish the Charmed Ones dead." Raige and Phoebe shoot "we are so screwed" looks at each other as Buttfuck involuntarily presses his hands together and nods his head. He forgot to blink. No matter, for Phoebe and Raige instantly fall to the ground as Chris screams, "No!" He scampers over to their lifeless forms as Saba orders Buttfuck into the bottle. He glares at her, but obeys. "My condolences," Saba sneers before squiggling into the final commercial break.
Big Gay Chris babbles something about it not being Raige and Phoebe's "time" as their bodies glow and emit…ectoplasm? I have no idea. Spectral Raige and Phoebe congeal several feet above the floor as the makeup assistant squirts glycerin into Drew Fuller's eyes so he can look all pretty and moist as Big Chris weeps, "I'm sorry, I'm sor-- so sorry! This is all my fault!" Spectral Phoebe and Spectral Raige gaze mutely down upon him as he gasps, "She was gonna kill Muh-muh-mom and Dad!" Aw.