Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Low Blows
By Lady Lola | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.22.2009
[Walks over to a Maltipoo-type dog and picks it up]
Kenneth: Yep, just another animal. Might as well be a rat... An adorable rat, who shows you it's okay to be scared during a thunderstorm. Why, it seems crazy to me to even give a dog like this a name. For example, Bandit. And that one's Reggie. And up there's Digger!
Volunteer: Okay... the dogs scheduled to be put down today have red tags on them.
Kenneth: I will adopt all of them.
Devon's Choice
Devon: You know, revenge is a dish best served cold. Like sashimi or pizza.
Jack: You prefer cold pizza?
Devon: The morning after? It's the best.
Jack: Better than hot pizza? That's insane.
Devon: You don't tell me what kind of pizza to like! You don't tell me anything anymore, Jack!
One Beat Later
Devon: It was a year ago that you kicked me to the curb. I began plotting my revenge that very day. I knew that I had to align myself with something more powerful than GE, and since American Idol's not on until January, that left the American government. And so I spent all last Fall raising money, worming my way into the Obamas' inner circle.
[Flash to a little girl's bedroom]
Devon: Oh my God, Malia! He did not say that! Let's text him now!
[Flash back to Jack's office]
Devon: After the election, I could have had any ambassadorship I wanted. Even to the world's gayest country -- Ireland.
Jack: Ah!
Devon: Instead, I suggested that I take over this task force. See, I had you in my sights [Lifts up hand like a gun] Peeyoong!
Jack: What kind of gun is that?
Devon: It's a laser gun. It's unstoppable.
Jack: You listen to me, Banks. You keep your spray-tanned little hands off this company!
RIP, MJ
Jenna: You probably don't remember this because you've never played a moonologist, but werewolves only come out at night.
Lemon: Yeah, I remember that from the "Thriller" video.
Tracy: Too soon!
Why God Invented Voice Mail
Lemon: Hello?
Jack: Okay, as a single woman, would you be more inclined to buy a new microwave if it could be programmed to ask you about your day? Before you answer, consider your loneliness.
Lemon: I'm hanging up now.
It's Called Creative License
Tracy: Liz, I've been reading your book. Now I see why Angie's mad at me: "If your man has seven cell phones but won't give you any of the numbers, that's a dealbreaker." "If your man owns a diamond necklace that says 'Open Marriage,' that's a dealbreaker." Liz Lemon, every little thing I've done is in here. You used me to write your book!