Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Are you my B-O-M-B?
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.17.2003
The Kiefmobile arrives at Norton Airfield. Kiefer gets out, walks over to the passenger side, and opens the door for Cate. What is this? The prom? And who does Cate think she is, waiting to be escorted out of the SUV? Jackie Kennedy? Kiefer tells Cate that they're going to need her for just a little bit longer in case they find her sister. And just what are they hoping Cate will bring to the table? Does Kiefer know what it's like to have female siblings? Anyway, Kiefer asks HotAsianFromAngel to take Cate to "the secured area" and "make sure she's comfortable." To which HotAsianFromAngel replies, "Hey, just because I'm Filipino doesn't mean I'm the maid." No, HAFA does as Kiefer tells him to. Next, Kiefer is introduced to Steve Goodrich, the agent leading the assault team. Wow, Steve Goodrich is hot. And I'm not usually a fan of big strapping Irish guys with strawberry blond hair and chiseled features, so that's saying a lot. Goodrich gives Kiefer background information about the Coral Snakes and the schematics for the airport. Kiefer then briefs the nylon-jumpsuit-clad troops. And by "briefs" I mean that he reminds them to wear ID tags and tells them about the B-O-M-B and the Coral Snake unit protecting it. "Good luck, gentlemen," says Kiefer. They break and assume positions. The time is 08:11:56 PM.
The time is 08:16:23 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Soul Patch does work, Raggedy Marie wonders what to do with the B-O-M-B now that the troops have arrived, Spawn freshens up in the Lonnie-bomber's cabin, and Yulin's feet are still in the Alice bucket. Okay, remember how last season Alberta V05 and Chappelle took over CTU, and it was suspenseful because they were these authority figures who threatened to uncover Nina's attempts to protect Kiefer and his family on the DL? Okay, this year they're doing something similar, only it's not suspenseful; it's annoying. There just aren't any sexy secrets at risk of being revealed…other than Mason's radiation poisoning, that is. And the visiting inspector isn't half as fabulous as Alberta was last year. I know I've said this before, but what happened to Alberta? She was the Alex McLeod of last season. Couldn't she come back just so we could have her reaction to the fact that Nina turned out to be a mole? They could have given her a tiny scene where she's having breakfast and reading the paper and there's an article about how Nina was the mole, and she raises an eyebrow and goes, "I knew that bitch was evil!" and bites into an English muffin. It would rock! So anyway, Mason comes over to Soul Patch's desk and tells him that Brad Hammond from Division is coming over to shut the place down and run everything from Division. Apparently, they're a little concerned about the fact that the building was just bombed. And yeah, we're supposed to be all worried about the crew at CTU losing the use of their immaculately furnished clubhouse, but I for one am glad that someone finally got alarmed about this. Soul Patch is annoyed because he doesn't "have time to give these idiots from Division the grand tour." Mason maintains that they've all just got to "deal with it."
The Lonnie-bomber's kindness and generosity never disappoint. Back at the cabin, it appears that Spawn's savior has loaned her a tube sock to wear as a top now that she's out of the shower. Oh, and the California Raisins just made a cameo appearance. (You'll figure that out eventually, don't worry.) Spawn studies her scarred face in the mirror critically like that episode of The Brady Bunch when Marcia got braces. ("I'm ugly…UGLY!") Finally she emerges from the shower just as Lonnie's put dinner on the table. What a peach! The Lonnie-bomber has made food! Oh, there's just no way this guy is going to turn out to be some crazy psycho rapist. Sexual predators don't even know how to boil water. It's a fact. Look it up. As they get ready to eat, Spawn asks Lonnie why he lives all alone in the woods. Lonnie answers elliptically that there's "too many people" in L.A. In turn, the Lonnie-bomber questions Spawn some more about why she's reluctant to return to L.A. I guess Spawn figures that Lonnie is hot, and he doesn't appear to have a phone -- or any friends he'd tell, for that matter -- so she tells him about the B-O-M-B. The Lonnie-Bomber chuckles to himself. "What's so funny?" asks Spawn. "I knew it!" exclaims Lonnie, believing her. At first, Spawn is relieved that someone believes her so readily. Then she's a little freaked out that someone believes her so readily. The Lonnie-bomber certainly believes her. He's been predicting the coming of a nuclear attack for quite some time. "All you have to do is read the foreign papers," says Lonnie. "Just look over the fence once in a while. The whole world hates America." However, Lonnie insists that neither of them should worry. They're too far away from the blast radius to get hurt. Spawn reminds him about the possibility of fallout. "I'm going to show you something," says Lonnie. "But you can't tell anyone."