Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Are you my B-O-M-B?
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.17.2003
NSA. In one of those creamsicle-colored hallways, Rolaide greets Lady Mac, who enters chauffeured in her very own Presidential golf cart. Oh, the way that Lady Mac proudly steps out of her go-cart and gloats in Rolaide's direction, you'd think eight-year-old Cambodian children with missing limbs were hauling Lady Mac down the streets of Phnom Penh in her very own jade litter. Meanwhile, poor Rolaide has to act professional and hand over the access cards to the system rooms and the network, and apologize for not giving Lady Mac access earlier. Ouch. Then they get into the elevator together and have a catfight about something. I'd describe it, but every time I go back and watch it, my attention just starts to drift. It's a Rolaide/Lady Mac catfight. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. The time is 08:35:44 PM.
Hey, it's another war movie slated for a March release -- only this time, Travolta is in it. I'm thinking I'll have to watch that on a plane trip in the near future. And what's with the Ford commercial with that guy singing that song that goes, "Right in front of your eyes, my friend"? Only it sounds like he's eating cereal while he's singing, so it's more like, "Raht in fron o yo waaahs, my fren!" Seriously, he sounds like me and my friends did when we were being jerks in grade school and we'd stick our tongues over our bottom teeth and talk like we were "retah-ded." And don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. Everyone amuses themselves at a certain age by a) playing with matches, b) looking at medical journals that have disgusting pictures of skin diseases, and c) imitating "retah-ded" people. My best friend Steven had a mentally retarded brother and he totally did "retard" talk with us. In fact, he had the best imitation of any of us since he had a relative to practice with and all. What? Stop looking at me like that!
The time is 08:40:11 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Soul Patch and Bitchelle make goo-goo eyes at each other, Spawn checks a flashlight, Kiefer drives somewhere, and Palmer does something presidential at his desk. Back at the cabin, Lonnie packs some supplies for Spawn's journey to Aunt Carol's. He's just about to take her on a "fifteen-minute walk to the highway" when a car can be heard pulling up to the cabin. Lonnie sneaks a peek out the window. It's a park ranger that Lonnie knows. "He's probably looking for you," he says. Spawn panics, fearing she'll be sent back to L.A. Lonnie goes outside to talk to the ranger. The ranger is indeed looking for Spawn, and fills Lonnie in on more details, like the fact that she's wanted for murder and kidnapping. Lonnie denies seeing anyone that matches her description in the woods. The ranger looks around a little, concludes that she's not on the premises, and leaves. Lonnie goes back inside. "Kidnapping?" he says to Spawn. "Murder?" "I didn't do it, I swear," says Spawn. The Lonnie-bomber seems aroused by this piece of information and gives her a once-over with his eyes. Spawn wants to "hang out" at the cabin for a few more minutes until the ranger clears the area. Lonnie has no problem with this suggestion. "I'm really lucky that you're here," says Spawn. "You've been a really good friend, thank you!" Aw! That's the Stockholm-syndrome-afflicted Spawn that we've all come to know and love!