Episode Report Card Keckler: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Another One Bites The Dust
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 04.01.2001
Just need to add this: Hail to the Victors Valiant, Hail to the Conquering Heroes, Hail, Hail, to Michigan, the Champions of the West! Now, kick some Boston College Hockey ASS!
Someone slams a Nestlé Crunch bar on a checkout counter, except that it's called "Crumble" but still has all the same colors. Why, when they can product-place Diet Coke and Dos Equis, can they not do the same with a Crunch bar? "Hey, Tony," Anna sighs as she places about fifty boxes of generic tampons on top of her Crumble bar. Oh, we get it, she's on the rag and craving chocolate. Why do the writers think we want to know that? Can't she just be crabby because she's stressed about her case? Noooo, they have to make her raging with PMS, because some male writer's got ovary envy. O'Donnell, her fearless leader, surges up to the counter and knocks her stuff away, telling her she looks like a real lawyer. "Do you mind if I cut in? Of course not. Tony, you got these in extra-strength, pal?" he asks the cashier, about some condoms. Anna takes this opportunity to pick his brain about using the massage-parlor information against McDougal. "Mrs. Pilnick called me last night in tears. McDougal sent her a letter telling her he intends to sue her for legal expenses. They're playing hardball here and I don't even have a bat! Or something like that," Anna says. Cashier guy comes over and says, "Industrial strength, thirty-six-pack okay?" Of course, O'Donnell has to say he'll take two of them and adds, "Tony, I am dating a supermodel and I'm pretty sure she's been around." He turns to Anna and says, "So basically you got squat." Anna says she's not sure and tells him about McDougal's massage parlor visitations. "Oh, the one on Waverly?" O'Donnell asks, and seeing Anna's face, he says, "Kidding, I'm kidding," and then proceeds to tell her that the code of professional responsibility and the model rules state that even if she found out the opposing counsel was "killing puppies," she can't use it to "gain leverage." Yeah, opposing counsel, what about the client? O'Donnell says the client could be considered "fair game." Well, then! Anna says she could win because McDougal does not want his massages to get out. "I got them!" Tony shouts out, waving some boxes of prophylactics. "How's that other thing?" "Oh!" O'Donnell yells back, "all cleared up, no more outbreaks." Yuck. And he's worried about where the supermodel's been? O'Donnell tells Anna she's "stumbled into a very grey area of the law and while [he] would never stoop so low, it is open to interpretation." Anna's still confused about the legality of using her information. As are the three -- wait, you leaving too? Okay, the two of us still watching. O'Donnell tells her, "Legally? Probably. Ethically? Maybe. It depends on what kind of lawyer you want to be." Anna ponders.
Riley and Shaggy discuss their case and get hot for each other. Cutting all the crap out, it boils down to Riley saying, "It's lunchtime, we could have a nooner at a fleabag," and Shaggy saying, "This case is like drugs!" before they dash out the door. Bummer that Anna catches them and starts blathering about her ethical, moral, philosophical, menstrual problem. Riley and Shaggy keep trying to edge out, but Anna babbles about all the lying, stealing, and cheating she did when she was a teen which landed her in juvenile court, and how she promised herself never to do that kind of stuff again. Finally, she sees through her issues enough to figure out that Riley and Shaggy could not give two bits. "As usual, I really appreciate your support guys, thanks!" Anna snots, giving them the thumbs-up and storming out. Riley and Shaggy, still up for it, try to leave again, but Warren brushes past them. Shaggy observes that Warren's wearing the same clothes as he wore yesterday. "You slut, that's where you were last night!" Shaggy says. But when Warren doesn't say anything and refuses to look at them, Shaggy decides to buy a vowel for sensitivity. "Was it that bad?" he asks. Warren must then tell them his mother has cancer, because suddenly they're all back at their house and Riley is making tea. Warren pours his heart out, telling them that he stopped going to Gay Pride parades because there was a group of family and friends who marched in support and he knew his parents would never do that for him. Riley is sad for him, but tells him his parents don't have to march in order for them to accept him. Warren tells her that he got his mother to admit that the doctors told her her prognosis is "pretty good." "So I can't decide which is more upsetting, the fact that my mom has cancer or the fact that she used it to trump me to keep me from saying the words out loud," Warren says. Riley is even more sad for him. "Now, I'm afraid I'm going to live the rest of my life and I'm never going to know whether she would've come to accept me for who I really am." Shaggy is sad for him. "Will somebody say something funny?" Warren says after awhile. Riley just smiles sadly at him. It's a sad scene.