Episode Report Card Daniel: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT I was blown up by a pirate ship
By Daniel | Season 1 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.24.2005
And he's running again, downstairs, and this is kind of what an avalanche might look like if it were made of people. And now he's going up an escalator. And now he's running again, only he has one bag instead of two like he had before. Is that a mistake? Because we didn't see him losing one. Maybe that was in Good Morning America's secret scene which I didn't watch because I AM NOT A SUCKER.
So the security line looks longer than a lineup for any ride at Disneyworld, and Hurley runs to the front of it, apologizing profusely as he goes, saying that "it's an emergency." But the unimpressed security guard stops the very sweaty Hurley and tells him to go to the back of the line, ignoring Hurley's pleas. Hurley finally heads back, and we see Arse in line, glaring at Hurley, and then admonishing the man in front of him in line for only now taking out his laptop. I like that. Makes me remember how happy I was when Arse bit it.
So now Hurley's made it through security -- this is the longest goddamn scene ever -- and he rests for a moment in front of the arrival/departure screens. An elderly gentleman glides by on a scooter, and Hurley yells out, "Hey, old guy!" I'm sure that'll put him in the mood to help, Hurley. Hurley offers him $500 for the scooter. Old Guy says he just had a hip replacement -- of course he did, for he is Old Guy -- and he needs the scooter. Hurley digs out what I'm guessing is all the cash in his wallet and raises the offer to $1,600. Old Guy smiles.
Let me pause just a moment and express my surprise. For it turns out that, contrary to what has seemed the case up until now, the writers haven't forgotten that Hurley is fucking loaded. I can guarantee you that no one in this world worth $160 million or more has ever run to catch a plane. Money may not buy happiness (although I submit it's got more purchasing power on that score than poverty does), but one of the things I'm sure it does buy is never having to get all sweaty running through an airport and waiting in line at security.
So anyway, now Hurley's on the scooter. And in a touch I quite liked, Hurley goes passing by what looks like a women's rugby team, who are wearing their team shirts, and whose uniform numbers are, in order, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42. So Hurley scoots --
Oh, Jesus, enough. He makes his plane, all right? Just barely, but he makes it. We know he makes the plane. Tell us again how there was no way you could fit another scene in, you liars.
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