Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 9 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Melrose Law
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.01.2004
Cut to the homeless shelter, where Logan is jauntily serving food. A reporter tells Haaron she's ready, so he grabs Logan. As flashes go off, Haaron tells the crowd that his father wasn't educmacated, but he told him, "A good heart is worth all the heads in the world out together." He fails to add, "I killed him for the insurance money. Heart, schmeart." He tells everyone that Logan wasn't using his head, but that he has a great heart. Logan looks all happy and misty. Perhaps Haaron should consider casting him in his next film. Logan stammers an apology, which is just hilarious if you know what's coming. They embrace, and Logan tells his dad he loves him, as a reporter nods tearily at the promotion this saccharine moment is sure to bring her. Logan goes on to say that his dad didn't want to make a big deal, but he's so proud that he "can't keep it a secret." Perhaps again thinking of Making Love, Haaron wonders where this is going. Logan: "Dad told me on the way over that he's donating half a million dollars to the Neptune Food Bank." The crowd goes wild as Logan applauds. "Way to go, Dad!" Hee. Haaron has to stop himself from biting through his lower lip...
...and we cut to Logan sliding open a pair of glass doors to a closet full of hanging belts. I can report from reading the forums that I am not nearly the only person who knew exactly where this was going. In fairness to my parents, though, I should add that it wasn't from personal experience. Logan makes his selection, and expertly twists the belt. He goes into his dad's office and hands him the weapon. Haaron's office is full of fake-movie prints that he starred in. As his dad closes the door, Logan, with his back to us, starts to take off his shirt. As we hear the crack of leather against skin, we pan over to Lynn (that's Lisa Rinna) who's listening to the abuse while sipping out of a large highball. Her expression is ambiguous, depending on what time you think she started drinking.
Veronica's doing something detective-y when some guy appears and tells her that Clemens wants to inspect her locker. VMVO: "You'd think I'd quit being surprised at finding a knife in my back." She goes to her locker, where Clemens and the sheriff's department officer from the pilot are waiting, although the latter is sans dog. Veronica testily opens her locker, and the dude doesn't find anything. Veronica: "There's a couple of suckers" -- they look up at her -- "in the bag, if you want one." Hee. There we are, back to being one step ahead. Clemens looks annoyed, but he's interrupted by Miss Donaldson's voice, who announces that the winner of the runoff is...Duncan! Guess the "narc" thing worked. Veronica considers the result, and then goes over to Wanda. Holding some campaign stuff, she tells Wanda that they're not going to that rave after all: "But I do have a pretty good idea of where you can stick these." Hee. Wanda tells her that she got busted for possession a year earlier, and that this was the only way they'd keep it off her record. I don't understand that, really. Busting Felix was one thing, but does she have a quota or something? Because otherwise, I don't see why she'd sell out Veronica. Veronica starts to walk away, but Wanda calls after her that if she'd won, they could have changed the way things work in Neptune High. Veronica walks back and smiles. "You know what? No hard feelings. I didn't vote for you!" Bye, Wanda. Hope there's a Hot Topic in Williamstown.