Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: F | 1 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Accept It: This Show Sucks
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.17.2002
Dame Edna is complaining that what happened in court was the most humiliating experience since her honeymoon. Um, is Dame Edna supposed to be channeling Mrs. Roper in this role? Why is she now a whiny victim, when in her other episodes she was a sassy tough gal? Oh right -- I don't care. Corretta says they were trying to show that she wasn't fired for harassment, but for "something else," like perhaps her ugly appearance. Dame Edna begins to act her way out of a paper bag, and fails. Perhaps she isn't currently as beautiful as she once was, but she still has good bone structure. Hee. She said "bone structure." Dame Edna isn't harassing people, she's "taking the first step! Initiating! Growing old and alone is horrible [URRP]." That acid reflux bit is pretty horrible, too.
Jenny waits, headless, in Ally's office. She's been thinking about the D.A.'s office thing, and...she's going to open her own firm instead. Ally laughs in her face. Doesn't Jenny need clients for that? Oh, she'll have clients. Glenn's clients. He strides in and takes Jenny's hand. They're starting their own firm together, see. Ally holds her own head in her hands and weakly says, "Great!" But she means the opposite, see. 'Cause her head is off. Which is bad.
Ling stands at the mic, with Elaine singing her part. They're doing the old theme to Enjoli perfume, you know, "'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N!" Which is also the title of the episode." Nelle's part is sung by one of Vonda's backup singers, who looks happy to have the screen time. Nelle is "off," and they have to start from the top, with Ling and Elaine starting again. Oy.
Obi-Wan Bon Jovi is in Ally's office, talking about all her problems. She say she doesn't have Obi-Wan's "simple life." Oh, fuck off, Ally. Fuck right off and die. Do you know what Victor has going on? No? How simple can his life be when he's hanging around with you all the livelong day? Ally feels as unprepared to be a parent as she does to run a law firm. And the kissing thing! Obi-Wan Bon Jovi turns it on: Maddie the Kid is doing pretty well for being in her second home with her third "caretaker"; therefore Ally must be doing something right. And losing Glenn? Not so bad if she can get John back. And John's "mid-life crisis is probably brought on by having to stare at youth all day." Um, what? "Stare at youth all day"? What? Ally is all, "How do you know all this?" Because he's Obi-Wan Bon Jovi. He has the force, in his pants. He sees all...of Ally, naked. He can move huge objects, like Ally's clothes, off, with his mind. Ally says she'd like to get a glimpse of his "crystal balls." Whoops, she means "his balls." I mean, "crystal BALL," singular. She stammers in embarrassment à la John Cage. And, what about the slumber party tonight? Oh, Obi-Wan Bon Jovi has taken care of everything. The juice, the organic cookies, the pizza, the renting of E.T. (which is coming out soon to the big screen, again, edited, fuck you very much), and everything else. So, do all plumbers dream of giving up their wrenches and becoming a Mr. Mom-type figure as they torque all day? And what kind of parent is Ally, anyway? One who comes home for lunch and bitches about having to fire people and stammering out when the tough questions are asked that the kid is only TEN? JBJ goes to leave, and Ally asks that he pick up a bottle of wine they can share after the kids go to sleep? He says that "sounds great," but what if they have to go to the ER or something? "The other parents may not appreciate it if we were drinking." Of course, he's right. And the most uptight Mr. Mom-Hot-Plumber-Eldin-Clone to ever walk the face of the earth. Ally agrees, then suggests, "How about a joint?" How ABOUT one? Thanks for the suggestion! God, that's a shout-out if I ever heard one. Let me get the paraphernalia! Who do you want to use, Piper Perabo, or Angelina Bowl-ie? Billy Bong Thornton is clogged. She was kidding. Me, not at all. Ally bangs her head on her desk when he leaves, probably because she's lame and doesn't have a joint on her.