Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Incest Is Best
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 11 | Aired on 08.13.2005
Claire's avocado-green hearse comes to a halt on an isolated dirt road. She kills the engine (which doesn't exactly sound like it takes much killing these days) and the headlights, and walks off into the darkness with a flashlight held out in front of her.
And now Nate does have a marker, now that it's too late to do me any good. It's just a flat, rough stone, reading, "In loving memory of Nathaniel Samuel Fisher Jr. 1965-2005." Claire's sitting on the ground next to it, sadly asking why he had to die. "Everything's unraveling since you're gone," she says, like that's not the status quo. Which is Nate's cue to appear sitting cross-legged next to her. Claire weepily says she misses him, and he returns the compliment, albeit not weepily. Claire's mad at herself for the way she always used to say that Nate wasn't Dad after Late Nate, Sr. died. "It kept me from ever knowing you, like, as much as I really could have. And now you are so completely fucking gone!" He's not that gone, Claire. He's still first in the credits, after all. Nate tells her, "Stop listening to the static." Claire doesn't know what that means. Nate explains, "Everything in the world is, like, this transmission making its way across the dark. But everything, death, life, everything, it's all completely suffused with static." And then he imitates static, complete with finger-twiddling. "But if you listen to the static too much, it fucks you up." Claire takes this in for a moment, and then says something that reveals exactly how well he's gotten through to her: "Are you high?" And, since he's really nothing more than a Nate-shaped manifestation of what's going on in Claire's consciousness, he thinks a minute and says, "I am, actually, yeah, I'm quite high." Which is funny, because aside from the crap he's spewing, he doesn't sound high at all. But it's not like he has a choice in this form. Claire laughs, and suddenly there's a weird animal noise coming from out in the darkness. "What the fuck was that?" Nate demands, completely blowing the stereotype of the all-knowing spirit, as well as the stereotype of the disappearing-at-the-most-inopportune-possible-moment-while-the-camera's-on-the-other-person spirit. Which pisses Claire off, too: "What, you know everything about the entire fucking universe, but you don't know what's out there, right now, in the dark?" Nate tells Claire to get out of there, and gets up and runs away at top speed. Which is funny, because it's not normally how a ghost makes an exit on this show. I guess that's what happens when ghosts get high. Spectral powers should be Nate's anti-drug. Claire fearfully calls after him, but he's just as gone as if he'd Mr. Roarked out of there. There's another indistinct growl, and off in the trees we see the silhouette of a running animal. There's only a glimpse, and there's no sense of scale whatsoever, so it could be fox or a Chihuahua for all I know. They better not be trying to Spawn Claire now. It's not a cougah! It's not! Claire screams and bolts back toward her car.
There's a soft knock on Maya's bedroom door before it slides open. "Hey," Brenda softly says to Billy, who's reading shirtless in Maya's bed. She comes into the room and sits on the edge of the bed, pleading sleeplessness due to a high level of fetal activity. Billy asks again to feel, and Brenda pulls her shirt up to expose her ginormous seven-months-pregnant-with-a-fucking-brontosaurus belly. Which Billy strokes affectionately. She moves his hand away and pulls her shirt down, saying it'll be nice to have her body back. Billy tells her she looks beautiful, but he does so in a borderline squicky way. Brenda laughs, and then leans over and plants a playful smack on his mouth. He asks why she did that, and she says she wanted to. Then she sort of leans to one side to lie on top of him with his arm around her, which looks cozy, although her head sort of goes up into his naked armpit at first, which, ick. She says she loves him. He says it back, and then she goes in for a longer kiss, which he doesn't resist. She breaks it off, sitting up with a long, nervous, "Whoa." Billy asks if he can hold her, and she says of course he can. He sits up in bed and pushes the covers aside, and as Brenda goes in for her "holding," we see before she does that he's not just shirtless, if you know what I mean. There's another whoa as Brenda backs away, but doesn't get off the bed. Billy says it's okay. Brenda smirks out of frame at what I'm sure is his tremendous boner, then looks him in the eye before cackling naughtily. Billy, smiling, invites her to touch it. Brenda gets serious in a hurry, and agrees. "That's what your penis would look like if you were a boy," he moans. Brenda says she was thinking the same thing. Funny, I'm suddenly wondering what her penis looks like now. There's another kiss, and it's almost sort of hot in a really twisted way, aside from the fact that they're IN MAYA'S BED.