Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Serfin' USA
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.06.2002
Ivan Gueststarov has just discovered that his daughter has been killed. He weeps, holding her dead body. TerrorHopper tries to konvince him that Milla's death was the doing of zee enemies. Ivan Gueststarov ain't buying it. He accuses TerrorHopper of being a murderer. TerrorHopper whips out a gun and shoots his best friend in the chest. Now he's dead too. Two TerrorMinions enter, holding a GaggedSpawn. Kiefer kalls out to her, but FATB punches him in the face and knocks him unconscious. Spawn moans and whines through the duct tape. The TerrorMinions take Kiefer out to Zee TerrorVan. FATB kommands the remaining TerrorMinions to klean up zee krime scene. The time is 9:34:31 PM.
The time is 9:38:55 PM. Klockwise from the top left, a gagged Spawn acquaints herself with her new surroundings, Bride yanks her own chain, and the TerrorSquad takes a road trip with their hostage Kiefer. Okay, for the forty-seventh time today -- when will someone get Bride away from the CTU staff? That is so not professional. Nina passes her in some hallway, and Bride asks for the latest KieferUpdate. Nina is happy to report that the trade will in fact go through. This relieves Bride, but of course her next question is about Spawn and where she could be. She asks Nina if she can have KopKennyG's cell phone number so she can call Spawn one more time, just to see if she's okay. Nina wimps out on telling Bride about the recapture of Spawn, klaiming that she never learned the number in the midst of all the goings-on of the last few hours. "I appreciate you being upfront with me about everything," says Bride. The irony. Nina goes over to Soul Patch's desk and confesses to him that she hasn't told Bride about Spawn yet. "I just feel like I'm not doing my job," she says. To Soul Patch. The irony. Soul Patch says something reassuring. Nina thanks him. "You're welcome," says Soul Patch in an awfully strange manner.
In the TerrorVan, Kiefer pleads with the TerrorSquad to let Spawn go. "If you start killing innocents, they will never let you out of this country alive." FATB pulls a gun on him and tells him to shut up.
Back at the almost empty Palmer Suite, Patty and Palmer go over their strategy for dealing with any media questions about Theo and Palmer's relation to the local businessmen who financed the death of Ferragamo. Well, as it turns out, Patty is a couple of steps ahead of Palmer. She's already set up interviews with the major news outlets and prepared some T&A…I mean, "Q&A" for Palmer. "When did you find time to do all this?" asks Palmer. Uh, who cares about that? I just want to know when PerkyPatty had time to cut her hair and reapply that lip liner, which is getting darker and darker with each passing moment. Patty modestly explains that if she doesn't help Palmer get into the White House, she's out of a job. Palmer offers her some champagne and turns the conversation to more personal issues, like why doesn't Patty get out more and find a boyfriend. Patty claims that the campaign is her personal life. They toast to "taking five minutes off," and Patty asks Palmer if there's every been "anyone else" besides Lady Mac in his life. "I'm running for president," says Palmer. "I can't answer that." Jesus Christ. Real time or not, I could seduce Palmer faster than Patty. I wouldn't even have to wear deodorant. Move it along, people! "Are you flirting with me, Patty?" asks Palmer. "I don't know. I just might be," answers Patty. Palmer moves his face near hers as if he's going to kiss her, but then he snaps back into business mode and suggests that they go back downstairs so he can put in more face time at the party.