Episode Report Card Keckler: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Yesterday's Enterprise
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2001
T'Pol and her dinners speak up: "Until you've proven you're ready." "Ready to what?" Cpt. Quantum asks, turning to her and her dinners. "Ready to look beyond your provincial attitudes and your volatile nature," T'Pol says, in a voice full of acrimony. Man, just sixteen words and she's already proven to be, like, the worst Vulcan ever. Get Kirstie Alley or Kim Cattrall back on the set. "You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knockin' you on yer ass!" Cpt. Quantum tells her. Captain Quantum's Law #120: using a coarser term for gluteus maximus shows aliens how powerful you are. T'Pol just raises her eyebrows at him and allows a tiny smile to reach from her lips to her eyes. Spock never did that. Well, not unless he was hit by spores, or devolving. Cpt. Quantum turns his back on her and proposes to Admiral that he and his crew be the ones to take Klaang back to his people, alive. Ambassador Soval tells the Starfleet Officials that this isn't the time for them to be "imposing [their] ethical beliefs." Admiral can't seem to make up his mind, so he turns to SO2 and says, "Dan?" SO Dan tells Cpt. Quantum that he only has a skeleton crew, with no medical officer and a communications officer gallivanting off in Brazil. (I added the "gallivanting" part.) "Three days, that's all I need," Cpt. Quantum pleads. Ambassador Soval huffs, "Admiral?" Admiral walks over to him and says that they've been waiting nearly one hundred years, and "this seems as good a time as any to get started." Ambassador Soval raises his voice and tells him they're making a largish mistake. "When your logic fails do you raise your voice?" Cpt. Quantum twits at him. "You've been on Earth too long." Seriously -- get a hold of yourself, you Vulcan. The Ambassador storms out. T'Pol rolls her eyes and follows. Storming out? Rolling their eyes? What kind of "unemotional" Vulcans are these? Once the Vulcans take their emotions out of the room, the Admiral tells Cpt. Quantum that he knew he wouldn't like the Vulcans' plan. "Don't screw this up," Admiral tells him with a smile, and leaves. Cpt. Quantum watches Dr. Phlox hover over Klaang for a bit, then taps on the glass and beckons to him.
Back above Earth's atmosphere, the Enterprise is docked in a strange contraption that looks very much like one of my hairclips. A space pod zooms up to the hairclip. Inside the ship, various blue-jumpsuited crewmembers are loading and carrying equipment. The interior is very shadowy, spare, and grey. Very much akin to the submarine interior the set designers studied. Travis Mayweather and Malcolm Reed (the Brit with the chiseled cheeks) walk up to a hollowed-out octagonal chamber lined with bars of lights. "I heard this platform's been approved for bio-transport," Mayweather tells Reed. Reed fixes him with a British fish-eye: "I presume you mean fruits and vegetables," he says. "I mean armory officers and helmsmen," Mayweather tells him (note: Reed is the armory officer, and Mayweather is the helmsman), and walks over to investigate the transporter platform. Reed pauses and says, partially to himself, "I don't think I'm quite ready to have my molecules compressed into a data stream." Mayweather tells him, "They claim it's safe." "Do they indeed? Well, I certainly hope the Captain doesn't plan on making us use it." Mayweather tells him not to worry, because from what he's told, "he wouldn't even put his dog through this thing." Reed and Mayweather watch a box of equipment materialize in a "data stream" of silver sparkles and dots. Reed pops the case open and sighs with annoyance, "This is ridiculous, I ask for plasma coils and they send me a case of valve sealant." I hate it when that happens. "There's no way I can have these weapons online in three days," Reed tells Mayweather. "Well, we're just taking a sick man back to his homeworld, why do we need weapons?" Mayweather asks. Oh, you poor deluded human. Reed asks him if he's read the profile on the Klingons: "Evidently they sharpen their teeth before they go into battle," Reed says. Mayweather laughs nervously, expecting Reed to tell him he's kidding, but Reed just looks at him, and Mayweather's smile fades.
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