Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Love Stinks, Part I
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.14.2000
Brett's waiting for Shana outside her apartment door. He ranks on Matt's hair, asking if she bought him barrettes for Christmas. Shana starts babbling about how she only hooked up with Brett on the rebound from Matt. Brett loves Shana and he's not as stupid as Matt was, he says. He's not just going to "throw [her] out there and see what happens." He's here to stay. Oh, man. Brett, please take her and leave instead. Please?
Andrew's waiting for Lucy in her back yard. She tells him he's trespassing. He tells her to call a lawyer. "Don't tempt me," she says. What's with the constant stalking motif on this show? Family values, much? Gawd! Andrew wants another chance at a relationship with Lucy. She blows him off. Happy barks at him angrily. Oh, be quiet, Happy. Like you know from quality human beings.
Deena shows up at the CamPound. Simon answers the door and tries to give her the hello kiss but she turns away. Her mouth looks even more swollen now. Maybe it was something she ate. Oh, no . . . maybe she's allergic to that lip gloss. She's wearing enough of it to lube a large . . . um . . . well, let's just leave that thought unfinished. Okay, so she's there to tell Simon something that she couldn't say over the phone. He asks if it's about the guy she was hugging at the mall. She says that was her cousin Robert. Hmm. I wonder if her cousin is actually Robbie. Maybe Robbie's real name is Roberto, though. Or Robert, but pronounced the French way. Or he could be named after Robinson Crusoe, too. Deena thinks she and Simon should see other people. "Are you serious?" he asks. That's how they end that scene.
Matt gets home to the Bachelor Pad and John asks how Shana is. "Fine," says Matt, like he's talking about a recently-cured foot fungus. John presses for details, and Dopey tells about the enormous influence Brett's had on Shana's ways. John asks if Matt's jealous. Matt's not and he wonders why. John tells him it's because he loves Heather. Matt protests that they're only friends. John says they're friends like "Cleopatra and Caesar" were friends, and he'd hate to see Matt "lose the Roman Empire." Um, whatever. Yeah, that's a logical analogy. My grandmother used to tell me that if I couldn't say something nice, I shouldn't say anything at all. Well, I can say two nice things. John is an attractive young man, and Matt's hair is actually looking clean in this shot. There. I said something nice. Now I can go ahead and repeat that Matt still needs a haircut because he looks utterly ridiculous with that 'do. Hey, I notice Barry Watson hasn't been in any teenie-bopper mags lately. CUT HIS HAIR!
Ruthie tells Andrew that she'll be his girlfriend if he does everything she tells him. He asks if it'll be like Simon Says. "Simon Says with presents. I like the presents," Ruthie replies, nodding and grinning like a pimp. "Deal!" says Bert, and they shake on it. Where the hell was Ruthie when I was composing my wedding vows?