Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Loser Goes to Gitmo
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.30.2011
ernal-obliquesness of the last -- maybe you'd care more than I can, and I'd suggest you get Showtime immediately.Cops bitching at each other about how "no questions asked" doesn't work in this case because they will ask questions, such as "why did you steal a baby," and it's at least funnier than the other conversation they had. They drive down the Gallagher street, where Kev is nearly about to take his dick out in front of Casey, because he doesn't notice Veronica dealing with him, and they puzzle over the strange baby for just one second before Tony and the partner start talking about the missing blonde two year old, and that's when Kev's "fucking Gallagher" whine finally gets funny.
More Frank topics: Walmart, Dukakis, peanut butter and jelly in one jar -- which comes off oddly racist -- a time when policemen were respected and young men wanted to fight for their country, a time when you could "go vote twice for Mayor Daley down at the 11th Ward," liberal pricks, our Muslim President, his questionable provenance. It's obnoxious, but the business is pretty awesome: Sheila's baking cupcakes and muffins by the ton and handing them out the window to Frank, who then gives them out to the throng of random people crowding the incident location, and who are all trying to ignore him.
Debbie's like, "What? He was crying for his mom, nobody cared, so I took him." As though Fiona is being ridiculous. Fiona's like, "The eff is wrong with you?" Lip does a great job trying to get to the heart of the matter: Where was the kid when she grabbed him exactly, how did she get him out of the yard, why was she wandering the streets with her fixed-up stroller. Kev and Veronica come running over with the baby in a laundry basket -- just bashing on the door to get in -- and Fiona's awesome: "Yeah, he's stolen."
They send Deb and Casey upstairs to have a meeting and Kev suggests that maybe Debbie is fucked up because her mom bailed and Frank's a big drunk. Yes, you have nailed it. But Veronica makes this WTF face and he's like, "Oh what, I'm an asshole now? She's the one who stole a baby!" Lip points out that she planned the whole thing, obviously it was not a spur-of-the-moment, impulse-buy kidnapping, and Steve drops this bomb: "Debbie's still a little kid. Worst thing that happens is she gets some help..." Uh-oh.
All of the Gallagher kids at once turn into their Dad, hissin' and spittin' and codependin': "Help? What kind of help? She stole a baby, she's not crazy she just sort of accidentally took a kid!" Steve's like, "She lures children with candy? Talking cure, dudes." But no: Gallaghers do not do therapy.
Clearly. When you have no pride it's best to shoot the moon and just have pride about the ass-endedest things you can. Like hipsters, pretending their potbellies are a choice and not suicidal ideation/beer-related. Like that majority of Republicans who have no money but do have a pathetic need to pretend they're rich, so they vote against their own interests as a sign of faith in that fucking farce. Like proud, sexy, big & beautiful Mo'Nique, and her proud, sexy, big & beautiful diabetes.
Flashback to the last time Family Services came calling -- a danger again, now Frank's moved out -- includes some pretty funny shots: Carl and Debbie with a Harvard-bound black family, Lip having Christmas with an elderly Asian family, Ian with a super creepy happy family wearing matching homemade-homeschool plaid jumpers. Liam in the arms of Rod Blagojevich.
Carl -- even though the group home on Union Street has a climbing wall -- agrees to call from the pay phone at the Kash & Grab, after stealing a Jess-looking girl's bike. Fiona tries to talk Debbie into taking Casey home, but since Debbie is implacable she's reduced to like, "We'll make your dumb Aunt Ginger pie, all right?" Just put Steve and his glad-handing conman ways on it, you could get Debbie to do anything. Of course, Debbie's always been told she's a bad liar, which is usually a bad thing, but Steve applies most excellent pressure. They run through the story and Debbie stumbles and corrects herself over and over, because she can't lie.
Lip sends Veronica around the corner to the cleaners, to bribe the scary old owner lady with some pot for her glaucoma. Every time anybody calls the cops, the cops ask too many questions and they eventually hang up yelling asshole, and every time it's funnier. Part of Debbie's story is that this one payphone was broken -- cut to Lip beating the shit out of said payphone -- and then this part of the story where everybody passed her by and wouldn't let her use their phones because she was poor.