In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Fresh from the pain of losing her Aunt Ginger for the second time, Deb starts acting up. Of course, it's Debbie, so that means she's trying to cook and help everybody to death, but since nobody really cares -- the water heater's busted, for starters -- she eventually goes out to the street and comes back with a little boy, whom she has stolen and dressed like a little girl. Steve and Fiona then have to get the whole family involved in a very complicated, maybe pointlessly complicated, British heist movie to get the baby home without anybody getting arrested.
It's cute, and Debbie is fabulous (and fabulously crazy), and the only chance you have of seeing the rest of the kids. In the end, Fiona apologizes (technically) to Dreamboat Tony for standing him and his mom up last week. Debbie proves she's not only a great liar but more than likely a sociopath, and Steve buys her a new baby doll which she promptly names "Gingy" before getting Velveteen Rabbit on her to a scary degree. ("Oh, Gingy! You're so funny!")
Oh, and she uses the reward money she gets from the eponymous kid's parents to replace the water heater, which is also adorable. Steve -- and his slice-of-hip Tyler Durden outfits, which: yes -- are ever closer to being a part of Fiona's single-momhood, but I think the only reason she didn't notice that this week and put a stop to it is because of the baby she had to unkidnap.
Meanwhile, Karen's clown-obsessed Dad moves back into Sheila's house, which means he's sharing a bathroom with Frank while living in their basement. To prove some understandable but scary adolescent point, Karen starts giving gross Frank Gallagher the full-court press, including tweener nipples and squeaky bathtime horrors. I give him until week; meantime he'll just be making annoying nonsensical Teabagger speeches as per usual. Sheila's taking more of her medication than usual, making too many muffins to fit in the house, and spending her time generally doing a scary, hilarious dance right on the line between okay and hospital time.
And we finally get an inkling of the reason for Kev's existence, much less why Veronica likes him, after Frank's drunk ass sends the entire bar (including Veronica's mom and that weird bartender lady who seems like somebody's sister who wandered onto the set, rather than an actual actor -- not that I'm complaining, because my God with the speeches, William H. Macy) spiraling into a celebration of Kev's fictional proposal to Veronica.
Of course, a few hours later he's drunk enough to propose for real, and after a blacking-out heart-to-heart with her mom he does just that. (It is sweet, and trashy.) morning, he wakes up terrified, but not for the reason you think: After another day of champagne celebration at the Gallagher house (and a sweet sister-in-law cuddle with Fiona, who is being seriously adorable this week) he admits that actually, he's already married. Nice dark edges in there with Kev, which makes him a lot more interesting than the "stop borrowing my shit" personality that has served until now.
So I guess that's a cliffhanger. Or would be, if Kev had ever showed any signs of being a person, but then it's early days and the same could be said for Deb, and we still don't know Carl at all, so I guess that's not a valid complaint. Anyway, the confident, smart tone continues from last week -- vide Sheila's ex giving Frank tips on surviving the constant onslaught of her sodomy -- and week, Frank's getting cancer! Or they're just teasing that exciting idea, and in fact giving him some extra testicles so he can talk endlessly about his fucking extra testicles and show them to people when he's drunk and eventually lose them in some dumb bar fight or to a dog or something. One or the other, as long as Frank is totally stupid.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Debbie's out in the yard with a broken stroller, talking to a doll and stoutly ignoring Fiona, who needs her to do her morning-time stuff -- shower, breakfast -- because Fiona keeps the trains running and everybody's just a cog in the machine. Instead, Debbie would like Carl to come out and play, although Fiona cautions her that last time she ended up locked in the basement for half a day.
"That was on purpose! We were playing Loser Goes to Gitmo."
Carl just keeps getting awesomer. Fiona tells Debs to get rid of the stroller, which is broken and makes them look trashy, so Debbie finally comes inside and starts whirling around the kitchen like an insane person: "Anyone want to make some tollhouse cookies with me? How about a pie? I can get started on the crust!" Just twirling and knocking things around and talking a mile a minute.
Frank, to the extent that he ever lived anywhere or lives anywhere, left the house for Sheila's in the same week that Aunt Ginger came and went. Ginger was an even better pet for Debbie than Frank is, because she cared for Debbie right back. This is the sort of weakness Steve, Fiona's boyfriend, will no doubt be exploiting, but I can't believe Fiona's actually going to need this explained to her.
But then, the repurposing of Frank is ruining daughters all over town, apparently. And Fiona's busy getting the news from Lip and Ian that the hot water heater is busted. All that yelling about showers, and this is what happens. Meanwhile Debbie is putting her foot down, making a pretty scary stern face, about the pie she is going to be making. Lip grabs the obituaries and they discuss various old people whose deaths might have freed up a water heater, and Debbie is quite cross with everyone and their lack of precision: "Mrs. Goga had the shaky neck, and she drowned. In her own vomit, last Easter."
Luckily, she came back three days later. Fiona gets hardcore with Debbie, who is even less interested in a shower now that it's cold water, and Carl stinks and is being weird, and Debbie refuses to explain why she's being so totally manic and weird, and then it's on to the thing, Liam's diaper.
A few streets over at Sheila's, Frank notices they're preparing for a party across the way, and even though it's windy and cold he's all, "Great day for a party!" Being informed that it's a kids' party and thus dry, Frank slams the window and cripples over to his ass pillow at the kitchen table, where Sheila is being a nutcase as usual and asking how he wants his eggs. Karen doesn't even look up, until Eddie slams his way back into the house with an overnight bag and heads down to the basement. Just when you think there's going to be some kind of "Get out of my house and stop fucking my wife" you remember that Eddie loves only clowns.
Kev is finding it hard to concentrate on the constant sex he and Veronica are always having, because once again the Gallaghers are trooping through -- first Debbie, then Carl, toothbrushes and towels in hand -- so Veronica blows him to shut him up, kicking the door closed with one elegant pointed foot. This would be when I started my weekly wondering about why somebody as fantastic as Veronica would ever care about Kev, who mostly seems to be a penis that bitches incessantly. But as they say, if you thought about the reasons people are with other people you'd eventually want to kill yourself.
"Fluffy fluffy floo-floo!" shouts Sheila, dropping Frank's eggs in front of him and ganking away a plate of kolaches so Eddie can't have any. Needless to say, she does this with a ferally frumpy face, the same way she does everything. Seems Eddie's lawyer told him he can't live somewhere and still support Sheila's household, what with her insanity and her two dependents.
Karen tells him to go live with his brother Ray and get the hell out of the house, but as it happens Ray's got gangrene. "You ever smell a rotting foot?" he asks, and Karen basically flips him off. When he asks for a refill on his drink, though, she loses it: "Did you lose your fucking legs?" He stomps around, never comfortable with the whole joke where he is a father, and goes off on a rant about how she has the disease of the teenage mind and that once you've "tasted penii," you become "just crazy."
Karen's offended and Sheila makes one nutty fucking face that time, but the second nobody's looking she starts fellating her cereal spoon. Frank tries to smile at her at first -- I'm the nice one, pick me, keep me -- but then comes the boner and the weird feelings. And it didn't occur to me until now -- which I think speaks highly of my personal character -- but I wonder how much Frank's actually getting off? He apparently doesn't enjoy getting it from Sheila, which is sad for him -- I mean, even Kev enjoys it in the rear -- but I wonder if that's a two-way street. Seems like on this show, Sheila would not be interested in, like, actual sex.
And I dunno, even if Frank's getting off regular and this is just about how gross he is capable of being or not being, Karen still makes total sense to me. She likes blowjobs -- who doesn't? -- and she's got the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting total control over the man of the house, since the old man of the house left directly because of her burgeoning sexuality, and like how could that possibly screw you up? It's not like the girl ever had parents in her entire life, so this is just basic wartime strategy: Own the territory. Yeah, it's mostly the fact that it would involve touching Frank Gallagher, that's the part I can't handle. Sometimes I feel like I can smell him through the TV.
After a seriously long shot of his naked ass staring at you, Kev gets in the shower and screams like a girl. It's cold, of course, because of Gallaghers, who have also left the bathroom completely a mess, so let's scream about the Gallaghers some more. Maybe bring up the curious incident of the toaster in the nighttime again. But I will tell you that A) Kev gets a personality this week and B) As ever, the less clothes he has on the better and more appealing person he seems to be. Darndest thing. Maybe science knows.
Steve walks into the Gallagher kitchen without even knocking, which Fiona flirts with him about in her way, but he's thoughtfully brought her favorite coffee order, and a sweet peck on the cheek, and a raging hard-on, which are all of Steve's best qualities at once, so it's not a fight. "Boys're out getting a water heater, Debbie's at the park, Carl's out looking for small defenseless pets to torture, and Liam's down for a nap, so I'm up to my ass in housework."
Steve offers to take her for a "long, deep, leisurely lunch," which he helpfully explains is a euphemism, but no: There's Liam, and a babysitter costs "at least fifty bucks" -- Which: What? Are you planning on fucking until tomorrow? Is your babysitter the Supernanny? Do we fly her in from foggy London? -- and of course Steve ponies up right away, because what is money to a thief? "You're not paying me to fuck you," Fiona snorts, and he grins winsomely. "No, I couldn't pay you enough." Romance. It is not dead after all.
There's a thumping and a bumping upstairs and Fiona knows it's not Liam because he's too lazy to get out of his crib and usually just yells, so she grabs the Killing Bat and Steve takes the Killing Bat away and hands her the baby, because of sexism, and they head upstairs.
Where Debbie is acting super fucking sketch. So she tells this drawn-out story about the birthday party Frank was going to invite himself to, for three-year-old Katie Crasden, and how she saw Papa Crasden laughing and playing with his kids and all of a sudden she just could not handle life so she tempted Katie's baby brother out onto the sidewalk with a Snickers, popped him in the stroller, jammed it back to the HQ and then... Dressed him up like a little girl, because that's what she was looking to kidnap.
Of course this all comes clear in a complicated fashion, because you've got a scene where Debbie's telling the story in a sort of elliptical way, and Fiona and Steve immediately assume that she was molested and wait with bated breath to hear the horrible truth, except that's not actually how the scene works out at all, because the dialogue is wonky and she's not actually at any point even possibly indicating that she was molested. There's no way to interpret her words as meaning that.
So it's a failure, and not really for any good reason, but the idea is there -- and probably by the time the audience figures out why Fiona and Steve are gawping at her the whole thing is done and, like Frank Gallagher's speeches, funnier in hindsight once it's over: Oh, now I see that they thought she was molested the whole time she was talking. That is so droll. So shameless!
Over at the Casdens' they're getting their shit organized to find the little kid, and Dreamboat Tony is there with his partner, that little gay Cardassian you see everywhere, I can't think of his name right now but he always plays the neurotic mole-man half of every gay couple on sitcoms, he's adorable and old now. Frank shows up for some speechifying about nothing really, watch the show if you're into things like that, white men saying dumb racist shit that's only a little funny, but then they start talking about how Casey Casden was wearing a Superman suit when he disappeared. I love Superman more than anything in this entire world excepting unicorns, but boy did I start to hate the sound of that word by the middle of this episode.
Finally Debbie explains the basic obvious psychology behind the abduction: "I miss Ginger. You gave her to me and you took her away, so now I need a transvestite baby. This isn't even that complicated." (Well I mean, the complicated part is that Frank head-butted Ian and Fiona chased him out of the house, but let's just say "Ginger.") Steve is hilariously confused by the fact that to this kidnapping they "borrowed" an old lady from Veronica's job, but Fiona as usual doesn't have the time or inclination, because Debbie has washed and then dryer-shrunk -- "That's what you do after you wash something!" -- the little boy's clothes. Steve assumes they can just use some of Liam's stuff, but Fiona points out the very yucky but I guess true fact that that would make them look like molesters.
Child molestation is this week's Milkoviches: It is everywhere! It knows when you are sleeping! It is at the Gallaghers' house! It is Karen's new mission in life! Meanwhile, Tony and Mike, the partner's name is Mike, are fussy about the loudspeaker and whatever, cops bitching at each other. Ian and Lip, same deal, bitching at each other while they wait for the pothead grandson of the dead lady to sell them a new water heater. For such a short episode there sure are a lot of filler scenes.
Fiona takes Casey over to Veronica's for a minute, and V's in the bathroom so she assumes it's Liam she's watching, and Fiona doesn't explain so you get a funny second where V stares at the baby and is like, "Who the fuck are you?" Even more awkward: Running into Tony with Steve in play. It's sad. Tony gets very intense, though, about Casey -- maybe trying to impress her -- all, "Choppers, SWAT, couple dozen extra units, Amber Alerts, we're gonna catch the bastard that took little Casey, and chop his pedophile nuts off." Fiona and Steve and their collective nuts go running.
Frank starts bitching about how Obamacare and Chinese ladies and trustafarians are to blame for kidnapping or some such, and Sheila shuts him up in absolutely the most awesome way possible: "Frank! Guess what! I made muffins using a Bundt cake batter! I didn't even need to add another egg!" That is so awesome. I wish every time he opened his stupid mouth she would start screaming shit like that. Karen comes in talking about how much she enjoyed her recent meal of penii, and Frank is like guh and Sheila's like, I don't know. Doing a little dance or something. She seems to be getting more unhinged -- "less hinged," I guess -- which I wasn't expecting. I kinda thought she'd hit the ceiling on that. Meanwhile, Karen comes home, calls Eddie "shithead," and wiggles her whaletail for Frank for awhile. Guh-ross.
Then comes the very busy very long part of the episode -- complete with screen titles and freeze-frames and every other heist-related movie move that Guy Ritchie wore out ten years ago -- that is the centerpiece of the episode. And you know, it kind of bums me out because the show is so stylish when it's talking like itself. Like the end of the episode is just so gorgeously shot, with Fiona standing on the street flipping out. And so the fact that the body of the episode is this sort of silly, parts-moving-too-fast-to-notice-nothing's-actually-happening thing, it is sort of a bummer.
So the sketch of it all is that each Gallagher -- including Veronica and Kev -- will be playing a part in engineering Deb's return of Casey to his family, in such a way that nobody will be implicated. Fiona and Steve ran into Tony, so they can't be seen having anything to do with it, and they both need alibis -- which doesn't explain why they just bought three Superman suits in different sizes. Lip and Ian were off getting the water heater, so they're only involved because Lip is amazing and obviously made the whole plan up. When he asks why Debbie stole a baby, the answer is clear: "It's Debbie?"
So he, Carl and Ian will run the water heater home and help spread disinformation about the whereabouts of Casey all over town, keeping the cops tied up while Fiona and Steve smuggle the baby out of the house and trade it with Liam and then head to Sheila's for Fiona's alibi. Kev will go to work early to spread more stories, which is actually pretty cute and sets up his storyline for this week and . Deb's the star of the show, because she's gotta memorize this whole lie about how it all went down that is essentially how it went down, minus the fact that she is a nutsack.
I mean, it all makes sense, we're not having trouble following any of it, but there's so much with the cutesy onscreen graphics and "experimental" editing and everything and it's just... I don't know how to write about it without being excruciatingly detailed, plus getting pissed about how lazy the whole thing is. Lazy even for 2004. Which it is not, currently. If you enjoy this sort of thing, this would be the sort of thing you would enjoy. If you honestly think there's a single difference between Layer Cake and Lock Stock and Snatch -- besides the slightly higher quality of the first, and the Brad-Pitt-ext
ernal-obliquesness of the last -- maybe you'd care more than I can, and I'd suggest you get Showtime immediately.
Cops bitching at each other about how "no questions asked" doesn't work in this case because they will ask questions, such as "why did you steal a baby," and it's at least funnier than the other conversation they had. They drive down the Gallagher street, where Kev is nearly about to take his dick out in front of Casey, because he doesn't notice Veronica dealing with him, and they puzzle over the strange baby for just one second before Tony and the partner start talking about the missing blonde two year old, and that's when Kev's "fucking Gallagher" whine finally gets funny.
More Frank topics: Walmart, Dukakis, peanut butter and jelly in one jar -- which comes off oddly racist -- a time when policemen were respected and young men wanted to fight for their country, a time when you could "go vote twice for Mayor Daley down at the 11th Ward," liberal pricks, our Muslim President, his questionable provenance. It's obnoxious, but the business is pretty awesome: Sheila's baking cupcakes and muffins by the ton and handing them out the window to Frank, who then gives them out to the throng of random people crowding the incident location, and who are all trying to ignore him.
Debbie's like, "What? He was crying for his mom, nobody cared, so I took him." As though Fiona is being ridiculous. Fiona's like, "The eff is wrong with you?" Lip does a great job trying to get to the heart of the matter: Where was the kid when she grabbed him exactly, how did she get him out of the yard, why was she wandering the streets with her fixed-up stroller. Kev and Veronica come running over with the baby in a laundry basket -- just bashing on the door to get in -- and Fiona's awesome: "Yeah, he's stolen."
They send Deb and Casey upstairs to have a meeting and Kev suggests that maybe Debbie is fucked up because her mom bailed and Frank's a big drunk. Yes, you have nailed it. But Veronica makes this WTF face and he's like, "Oh what, I'm an asshole now? She's the one who stole a baby!" Lip points out that she planned the whole thing, obviously it was not a spur-of-the-moment, impulse-buy kidnapping, and Steve drops this bomb: "Debbie's still a little kid. Worst thing that happens is she gets some help..." Uh-oh.
All of the Gallagher kids at once turn into their Dad, hissin' and spittin' and codependin': "Help? What kind of help? She stole a baby, she's not crazy she just sort of accidentally took a kid!" Steve's like, "She lures children with candy? Talking cure, dudes." But no: Gallaghers do not do therapy.
Clearly. When you have no pride it's best to shoot the moon and just have pride about the ass-endedest things you can. Like hipsters, pretending their potbellies are a choice and not suicidal ideation/beer-related. Like that majority of Republicans who have no money but do have a pathetic need to pretend they're rich, so they vote against their own interests as a sign of faith in that fucking farce. Like proud, sexy, big & beautiful Mo'Nique, and her proud, sexy, big & beautiful diabetes.
Flashback to the last time Family Services came calling -- a danger again, now Frank's moved out -- includes some pretty funny shots: Carl and Debbie with a Harvard-bound black family, Lip having Christmas with an elderly Asian family, Ian with a super creepy happy family wearing matching homemade-homeschool plaid jumpers. Liam in the arms of Rod Blagojevich.
Carl -- even though the group home on Union Street has a climbing wall -- agrees to call from the pay phone at the Kash & Grab, after stealing a Jess-looking girl's bike. Fiona tries to talk Debbie into taking Casey home, but since Debbie is implacable she's reduced to like, "We'll make your dumb Aunt Ginger pie, all right?" Just put Steve and his glad-handing conman ways on it, you could get Debbie to do anything. Of course, Debbie's always been told she's a bad liar, which is usually a bad thing, but Steve applies most excellent pressure. They run through the story and Debbie stumbles and corrects herself over and over, because she can't lie.
Lip sends Veronica around the corner to the cleaners, to bribe the scary old owner lady with some pot for her glaucoma. Every time anybody calls the cops, the cops ask too many questions and they eventually hang up yelling asshole, and every time it's funnier. Part of Debbie's story is that this one payphone was broken -- cut to Lip beating the shit out of said payphone -- and then this part of the story where everybody passed her by and wouldn't let her use their phones because she was poor.
In all the chaos and annoying "this is a diverting caper" music, Veronica flies Casey around the kitchen in his new Superman suit, and it's cute. But not as cute as Sheila coming out of the kitchen with her probably fiftieth pan of muffins and then hovering around the room whining in an almost inaudible pitch because she doesn't have anyplace to set them down. This constitutes, for Sheila, an emergency; of course Frank's just like, "Stop making muffins?" Sheila can't stop making muffins. She needs surfaces, Frank. Places to put the muffins. Why can't he understand the unmitigated madness inside her head? It's so adorable!
Well, and then upstairs Frank is peeing and farting and then who's in the bathtub? Karen, with her teen nipples all over the place, asking him to hand her a towel and making him just hellishly uncomfortable -- in a very offhand, awesome way -- to the point where he runs out into the yard screaming CASEEEEY!
This is the point where Kev goes into work early and delivers the following speech: "Gosh, you know what? I am feeling nostalgic today. Did you hear what I said? Said I was feeling nostalgic." Nothing. "Well, I'm glad you asked. I was walking to work, and I saw this cute little kid wearing a Superman costume. You know, with the cape and everything? Takes you back. He was a cute kid." Nothing. "Yeah, Superman costume. Cute little kid. A little kid in a Superman costume? Superman costume. Sandy hair." Finally Jess the barmaid is like, "That's that little boy, we gotta call that in!" And Kev's joy at finally getting it done, it's actually really cute. "Yes we do!"
Later Veronica's mom shows up at the Alibi with her coworkers in tow, and Kev is super sweet to her, and then these skanks are hitting on Kev and he's trying to be nice about it, but then Frank comes in and is gross all over the place, you know.
Back home, the water heater is gone -- "Bunch of fucking animals," Lip grouses without a hint of irony -- and then, I don't know. Everybody runs around some more. They discuss how Debbie shows no remorse, and then lie about how really she does feel bad, and then they talk about how she can't lie, and then lie about how really she can, and Fiona's just like, "We are all going to jail. All of us."
Waiting around for the big rendezvous/drop-off, Steve talks to Debbie for awhile on the Bluetooth about how doctors and lawyers and nurses are great liars because they have to be, because they're helping people. "Like, a doctor wouldn't tell a sick patient Too bad, you're gonna die. He would say, We're doing everything we can, wouldn't he? So, pretend you're being a doctor today, and tell a doctor's kind of lie. Can you be a doctor for me?" Steve, of course, hits it right on the head immediately: "Can I be a nurse?" That's my girl, he smiles. And it's like, all she does is take care of people -- you really need Steve to come in and explain that? Maybe you need Steve after all.
The skanks are pouring shots all over each other's boobs and it reminds Frank of Karen's troubling nipples and then when he forces himself back to reality, there's Eddie sitting to him. They discuss how he's fixing up the basement for awhile -- I like how Frank and Eddie never even thought to fight about any of this -- and finally Frank's like, "But okay, is my asshole ever going to stop hurting?" Eddie says no. I think Sheila is doing it wrong. "Advil's your best bet." One of the skanks comes up to hit on Kev and tries to get him into a threesome, which is where Frank starts paying just enough attention that he overhears Kev lying that he's getting married.
All hell breaks loose, he runs over to get Veronica's mom Carol, Kev's trying to shut him up and give him shots, but once mom's into it... "And to think I was over there drinking, worried about that missing boy. Who gives a shit about that now? My daughter's getting married!" It becomes a madhouse of celebration, never ending. At least they're not white-people dancing again, that would fucking kill me. I still can't handle that memory.
Cops bitching at each other, squeaking their slushie straws, Partner Mike (Mike? I think so) is needling Tony about not being in love with Fiona -- "Lot of kids over there, man" -- and a funny spastic moment where Tony points out Mike was only married for seven weeks and she got the house, and Mike screams My car's paid off! After just enough of a beat that it's really, really funny.
Sheila has done hit the roof. I don't know what's going on now, but her plastic face is forming words in weird ways, like a robot that has popped its clogs all, "Fiooooona. What a plezzzzzzent surprizzze! Do you want a d-d-d-d-drink? I've got a lot of boozzzzzze, nomixerzzz." She's like Max Headroom over here. Fiona admits she could use more coffee, and Sheila stares into space for a bit before Fiona offers to make the coffee. "Ohhhh, don't mind meeeee. I accidentally took three of my pills. Instead of one." Long weird face all by herself and then she remembers to notice Liam from a second ago when they came in. He's been sitting in the stroller, on top of the Superman cape. Which the show would have you believe is a big deal, except why would the parents care if he was missing his cape?
While Debbie walks -- adorable! -- down an alley with Casey, complaining ("I'm gonna blush, and then they'll know! I can't be a nurse. I'm not patient. I hate bedpans. I can't walk in clogs. And let's face it, I'm too small!") Sheila plays peek-a-boo with the cape. When Fiona sees it, she wigs, but I still don't know why.
Finally Debbie gets him back to the family, and triumphant "rock" music starts playing, like in a bad TV movie where they clean up the community center, just awful, and the dad of Casey just freaks out and starts tossing bills from his wallet in Debbie's face. So then there's weird stop-motion to go with the fifty other annoying editing things of this episode -- honestly, it's like somebody fell over in an editing bay and pushed every button on their way down, the whole fucking time it's like this -- of Fiona and Debbie with the money falling like snow.
Frank runs and starts scrabbling at all the money, which is like 700 something bucks, and Ian and Lip come and stand by him on his knees to remind him that it's Deb's reward. And, because they know him, each of them stands on one of his hands. And it is excellent, and since I was bitching about the direction anyway I will say that this part is awesome because it never goes up to their faces, just these angry boy feet on his hands, until he spits "All right. I am your father." That little shot actually looked like this show. In fact, it's all this beautifully shot show from here on out, I think. The heist is over. Tony arrives to take Deb for her statement, which makes Fiona nervous even though he's being a mensch as usual, and Debbie's like, "Nurse Debbie can handle this."
Kev and Carol are well into it, marvelously acted and likeable despite being piss drunk, and she's telling him drunk talks about how V has never loved anybody as much as Kev, including her father, and whatever, it takes a while because they're slurring but it's also really fun to watch. And when Carol passes out, Kev's got just enough light in him to run home screaming for Veronica, and ask her to marry him for real. It's pretty sweet, because he's totally smashed and she's looking at him like a fool, but she knows she'd say yes either way so there's no reason to say no now, just to say yes later when he's sobered up.
I mean, unless there were a terrible dark reason they shouldn't be wed, or Kev got cold feet or something. In which case her immediate yes would be not only trashy, which it is anyway because these people are gross, but also sad. You think this story's about Kev, and of course it is, but the very real danger is actually for Veronica, because she's more of a Gallagher than he is. Also more of a character. Also better in every way.
"I first saw him on Southport," says Nurse Debbie in the interrogation room. Or I guess whatever you call it, since she's not being interrogated. Either way, she's being quite the little actress (despite the random jump-cuts) and it's almost as fun watching her pull this thing off as it is watching Fiona's jaw drop at the sheer sociopath nature of her sister. "He caught my eye, because my baby brother Liam loves Superman."
"After I noticed he was alone, I took his hand. He's a very good walker, and very well-mannered for a toddler..." "I thought for sure someone would let me use their phone. You know, I'm just so shocked at the lack of humanity..." "Yes, I'd love a cookie!" "I remember Grand Avenue from my Aunt Ginger...."
And my favorite: "Do they require you to wear a jacket and tie, or is that your choice? I find it very fetching!" Debbie was my favorite one on the UK version, mostly because of shit like that and because she has a heart bigger than the sun. You instinctively knew she was going to save the world, and eventually she did. I still think on this one it's going to be Lip and Fiona, though, who coincidentally were my least favorite ones on the UK show. I mean, don't compare, but at this point I think it's more fun to see and celebrate how they differ.
Tony drives Fiona home -- Deb's tuckered out, of course -- and Fiona just barely apologizes for how she totally dicked him over last week. It's really sad, he's all, "You missed a good pot roast last week. My mom really pulled out all the stops," and she's just like, "My bad" and then stares out the window. I would say it's oddly cruel, but maybe we're setting up a pattern of behavior on Fiona's part, or Tony's going to end up crazy in love or something, and we can be like, "That's why you are never a bitch to cops unless you have a really good reason. Especially if you stamped their V card. Especially-especially totally hot ones that are 100% down for sloppy seconds or a rebound. Be Prepared isn't just a saying for bigots and homophobes."
Karen is: Pleased that Debbie "found" Casey, rather than some "crazy fucker" per Lip; wearing new jeans that still haven't cheered her up since the return of Eddie which is just making her weird house weirder; interested in getting kidnapped; interested in going back to her house and fucking in the tire swing. Once again, I am saying that Karen is a freaking genius. The best is the silence after she suggests that, and she's like, "Lip?" and he grins and goes, "Wait, I'm thinking." It's really cute.
Everybody's watching it on TV when Steve comes back over, bearing a stroller and baby doll for Debs. There's a really neat moment where he basically asks Fiona for permission to give her the present, and Fiona bites her lip and smiles and nods conspiratorially, and they walk it in together, and then Debbie gets super weird in about one second. She grabs the baby and runs up the stairs, laughing hysterically at something the baby said, and Steve and Fiona stare, and she's just like, "Oh, Gin-Gin! You're so funny! Oh, Gin-Gin." It's the cutest part of the entire episode. Her voice is just so delightful.
So Kevin wakes up hung over and remembers what he did, and V is already up and at 'em, gathering booze for part two/her part of the engagement party, which means taking a billion beers and tiny bottles of gross champagne over to the Gallaghers so they can... Yeah, more white people dancing. Ugh.
But before that, Debbie counts out her reward money upstairs, with Gin-Gin sleeping soundly under the covers, tucked in nice and tight. And down the hall, Fiona and Steve flop backwards onto the bed so you can see his hip bones winking at you amazingly, and she just wants a shower, but there's no hot water, so she feels poor and gross some more, and Steve just says: "You really are beautiful."
"I hope I'm not fucking up the kids," she says in response, but it still all makes sense. He understands what she means. This show makes more sense if you just pretend it's about a single mom. Mainly because that's what this show is about. Macy's center stage on all the ads and posters, but without Fiona they'd all be dead and there would be no show, and I certainly wouldn't care about any of it.
They're summoned downstairs for the big party, and Steve throws his arm around Kev's delts like they're buddies and he's like, "Does she deserve you?" and Kev suddenly goes super fucking dark, like that, like a light went off, and it's really scary and a little sad, suddenly.
Eddie has to wait -- in his PJs, towel over his shoulder -- until Frank's done in the bathroom. Over in the bedroom he can see Sheila sorting through her many pastel-colored penii. When Frank comes out, you've learned not to expect a confrontation, so it's even funnier when he's like, "Take the Advil now. You want to stay ahead of the pain."
For a show this obsessed with anal sex they sure don't seem to get the core concept. I mean, it's funny, it's shameless, he refuses to get a job so now getting fucked is his job. I get that. And they already showed and discussed plenty of healthy instances of doing it in the butt, between V and Ian, so there's an array, but maybe if it wasn't the same joke every time (this is I think the fifth this week, including visual gags) it wouldn't seem so weird.
A very Jägered-up Fiona runs out into the living room, where Kev is brooding, and they have a pretty cute sibling interaction where she kinda leans into him and tells him she loves him and V and apologizes for their roles as co-parents to her kids and pretty much the entire storyline up to this point, and talks about how pretty Veronica is, and he gets real sad and weird but right before she hazily tries to ask about that, the delivery truck pulls up outside: Debbie managed to get a new water heater delivered that very night with her reward earnings. She supervises its transport and installation in just about the most adorable way, and everybody hops around and loves Debbie some more, because she is an angel. Just a psycho shit-hot nuts screwball of an angel.
Like morning they'll all be doing their wheels-within-wheel breakfast thing they always do, reaching over and around like a family of arachnids or crabs, and Debbie will come stomping in looking like hell and refusing to go to school. And why not? Well, she'll explain, as she spreads peanut butter onto a diaper and trudges back up the stairs: Gin-Gin had her up half the night with diarrhea.
But that's in the morning. Now, you got Fiona and Kev alone outside, in the cold, and it's shot so beautifully and the lights are so crystal clear and Fiona looks very beautiful and inside there is white-people dancing but outside it's just pretty quiet, as quiet as it gets in the city, and she's like, "Why are you being so weird about getting married?" and he says, "Because I'm already married," and heads back inside. Fiona focuses on nothing.
So it's interesting. Because not one of these people can keep a secret or even let a problem go longer than five seconds, so my first thought is that they're all going to turn on Kev and try to fix it without V knowing and it'll be another caper but then eventually they'll accept Kev because hey, we're all gross and poor and married to other people than the people we're marrying, it's how Chicago rolls. But then I think no, this is going to be a BFF thing and Fiona is going to hound Kev about it to save V, and they'll end up being closer friends and he'll be like reluctantly pulled into even more of a co-parenting/quasi-Gallagher role and finally stop bitching about it.
And so then for a family with no parents, they will have like six fantastic parents: Steve and Fiona, Veronica and Kev, Sheila seems likely to integrate at some point. Lip's halfway to being a cross between Steve and Fiona as it is, right? So I guess maybe they'll be okay. But probably not, because they're poor and it's always something.
Discuss this episode in our forums, and check out what else is premiering this winter in our preview gallery! But first, see what our vlogger thinks of Shameless when he has No Prior Knowledge, below!
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!