Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 555 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Let's Play Master And Servant
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2004.02.15
Anyway, Big Chris claims that he's happy she found out about it, because he's been so focused on protecting the littlest Psycho, he almost forgot that "this month is [his] conception date." "Oracles, fortunetellers, soothsayers -- they all say the same thing," Chris explains. "If Mom and Dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed." Phoebe and the audience simultaneously go, "EW!" Several on the boards have complained about the crude manner in which Big Gay Chris revealed that nugget of information, yet I figure, if Piper had dropped dead and the Dolt bolted when Chris was a mere tot, it sort of makes sense for him to be so blunt about things. However, to be honest with you, I don't really care one way or the other. At least this storyline is finally moving along towards some sort of conclusion. In any event, Phoebe shakes off her icks to admit, "I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew." She pauses as a horrifying thought leaps into her head. "I never hit on you, did I?" she asks warily. "What?" Chris yelps, skeeved. "No!" Liar. "Can we focus, here?" he peeves. "Mom and Dad need to have sex -- now who's gonna tell them, you or me?" "Nobody's gonna tell them, because we're not gonna reopen those old wounds!" Phoebe insists. Big Gay Chris heaves a big gay sigh and lopes over to the office sofa, where he perches thoughtfully on the arm for a moment before asking, "So how do we get them back together?" "'We'?" Phoebe hoots. "There is no 'we' here -- you're the one who split them up!" She squints with a sudden realization and adds, "Why did you split them up?" "[The Dolt] had to become an [ever-useless] Elder," Big Chris wearily replies. "It was the only way I could become your Whitelighter and protect [my hateful brother] from becoming evil." "Unbelievable!" Phoebe snorts. "You can't just pop in from the future and mess with people's lives because your big brother picked on you!" Snerk. "He picked on the world, Phoebe!" Chris howls, leaping to his feet. "I'm. Not. Finished!" Phoebe announces disdainfully. Chris rolls his eyes and paces the floor as Phoebe rants, "Your parents were happy until you broke them up, and now you want my help because you didn't think this all the way through?" Okay, Feebs, you've got a point about Chris bumbling his way through some half-assed plan ever since he arrived on the scene, but claiming that his parents were blissful before the split? I realize you spend far more of your time focusing on yourself than on those around you, but you were living in the same house as the shrew Piper had become by the end of last season, weren't you? Perhaps we need to rethink our definition of "happy," huh?