Episode Report Card Omar G: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sun Gave All
By Omar G | Season 7 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.26.2007
Chloe, in her morgue drawer, keeps banging. A door opens, and somebody slides her out. It's Clark. Completely freaked out, Chloe looks around, asking what happened: "Why am I in a morgue?" Clark says the important thing is that she's alive. Chloe notices the tag on her toe: "But I wasn't alive, was I?" Clark takes the tag away. Chloe asks for Lois. Clark says she's fine. He thinks Chloe must know that better than anyone. Chloe tells Clark to turn around while she gets dressed. Clark says he knows about the stab wound Lois is missing. Clark asks Chloe to tell him what really happened. As she finds a lab coat and puts it on, she thinks for a second, and then tells Clark that she was too busy being unconscious to notice what happened. Chloe dismisses Clark, saying she doesn't have time for 20 Questions. Clark asks if she shouldn't at least get examined before they leave. Chloe doesn't want to be turned into a lab rat. She notices her death certificate on a nearby clipboard, and takes it. Below that is a death certificate for Lana Luthor. Chloe looks to Clark, raising her eyebrows. Piano music plays. Yes, let us mourn Lana, who died on this show for, what, almost a whole episode? Geez, draw out the dramatic tension, why don't you? Chloe frowns.
Someone is playing a recording of Lex and Lana's argument last season -- the one that ended in the slap heard 'round the world. Lex stares sadly at the tiny recorder as he sits in a holding cell. "That's the last time you'll ever touch me," says a pink voice. A man in a suit stares at Lex as he holds the recorder out. "What are you going to do, Lex? Kill me?" Lana asks. Lex flinches at that. The man -- one of Lex's right-hand guys, named Keating -- says that with that kind of evidence, he doubts they'll get bail. Lex says he's not worried about himself; he wants to know the status of the recovery at the dam and, more specifically, "Model 503." Is that one of the models from Deal Or No Deal? Keating says they're still looking for 503. "My father?" Lex asks. No, your father is not 503. He's Papa Luthor. Keating says that Papa is still unaccounted for, and that they have to find Lex an alibi. Lex says he didn't get miraculously saved just to avoid facing his demons. He thinks he was brought back to save them. "Be careful what you wish for!" says Bizarro Clark. He grabs the bars of the cell and rips the whole panel out, neatly. "I looked for you at the mansion," says Bizarro, longingly. "We had a date, you bastard!" It's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Keating is suddenly feeling underpaid. Bizarro reaches out and punches Keating in the gut. Keating grunts. He looks down. Bizarro Clark's hand is in his tummy. And it's not going to make it all better. Bizarro pulls out some guts. Keating falls. Bizarro throws the guts on the floor. This is going to be the best rat day in jail ever! "Phantom," says Lex. "You took Clark's body." He doesn't add, "It was mine first!" Bizarro says he took just a few cells: the real Clark is still out there, and Lex will help Bizarro kill the farmboy. He says he needs lots of meteor rocks. Lex says he'd never help this dude kill Clark. Bizarro is like, "Oh, come now." He says that redemption doesn't suit Lex: "Why protect a Clark Kent who hates you when you can help the one who wants to be your ally?" He's really working that deep voice. I think he's got a furry animal down in that throat. Bizarro stares, saying that it's what Lex has always wanted. Lex has to think about it.