Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C+ | 37 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT The Situation Gloom
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2012.01.19
While Deena comes to terms with seeing Vinny's empty bed for the first time and gets emotional all over again, Sitch is hitting on Pauly's trick by talking dirty to her. Literally. He asks if she knows what "Che cazzo?!" means. Of course, she knows, it means, "What the fuck?!" He also says something involving "pecorina." Or at least that's what the trick things, but Sitch reiterates it again, and I begin to think his intended phonics mean "peckerina." The words are bleeped out, but I think he's talking about ummm... how to say(?)... men who want to be women but aren't there yet. As we know, Sitchy knows a thing or two about that. Despite all that Italian foreplay between Sitch and Pauly's trick, the two pairing resume their mating ritual and head to their separate rooms for the ripping of condoms and the smashing together of leather-skin. As the sun rises, Vinny arrives home and tries to act strong for his mom (who is practically licking him like kitten). Back on the Shore House roof deck, Deena is still crying.
The next morning, Pauly and Sitch are set to celebrate their birthdays, which are a day apart. (Side note: Sitch is 16 days older than me. Should I feel like a pervy old man, too -- despite not being a man at all -- or should I celebrate the fact that I have reached this age while preserving a shred of innocence and a layer of my original epidermis?) [Note: Also, did you know that Pauly is actually two years older than Sitch? Doesn't that make you kind of like Pauly less? -- RS.] Long story short, the bros want to "go big or go home." Because that phrase apparently hasn't been retired yet. As they discuss, Snooki sees Jionni out and promises him, "I won't cheat on you." Two things: 1.) Vinny's gone, so obvs, and 2.) If that assurance has to be spoken out loud...
The Meatballs decide to day drink in honor of Vinny, like that's something unusual or special. They get on their cuca-exposing best and make a beeline for the Boardwalk. Deena backs it up on Snooki, Deena takes a body shot from Snooki's linty belly button, and a guy yanks Deena skirt down (yes, I said "down" not "up," as in "I don't need to see that!")... all in all, it's your average day in Seaside. Deena sees her sister Joanie, then the whole group of chickadees meets some token Boardwalk gays, and they get to dancing like nobody's watching. Snooki eventually gets so bombed that walking is difficult, and it looks like a third arrest is imminent. Somehow, she manages to stay on her feet long enough to get into a cab, and the crisis is averted.