Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Full Moon Rising
By Sars | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.03.1998
Upstairs, Dawson flops down on his bed and someone behind him mutters, "Oh my god!" Dawson snaps, "What the hell are you doing in my room?" at Abby, who has taken up a post at Dawson's window with a pair of binoculars and is spying on Jen and Billy Budd. Abby turns around, looks stricken, and for once does not have a so-called snappy comeback.
Pacey at McPhee Manor, introducing himself to Mrs. McPhee. Pacey got confused about where he had to meet Andie and hopes aloud that Andie won't "annihilate" him. Mrs. McPhee beams at Pacey, and as she sets the dining room table she reveals that Andie is "quite taken with" Pacey and talks about him all the time. Mrs. McPhee says that Andie's father will want to give Pacey "the third degree," and that Pacey should meet Tim, "Andie and Jack's older brother -- goes to Columbia, comes home some weekends," ignoring the fact that no self-respecting college student would miss all the good parties to drive six hours each way and visit the folks instead. Mrs. McPhee calls up to Tim, but he doesn't answer, so she says, "He has those darn headphones on," and she invites Pacey to stay for dinner. Mrs. McPhee seems somewhat disconnected from reality and may in fact fall a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. As she goes upstairs to summon Tim, Pacey mutters to himself, "Oh-kaaay -- this just became a bizarre first date."
The Icehouse. Jack, tapping on lobster tank. Joey, still bitching about lone customer; Jack having itty bitty little head. Electricity, flickering. Lobster tank, going on fritz; welfare of lobsters endangered. Jack and Joey putting lobsters on ice. Andie, coming in and looking for Pacey. Andie thinking Pacey blew her off, then realizing he went to McPhee Manor; Andie wigging. Jack telling Andie to chill. Andie freaking out on what will happen if Pacey meets their mother; Andie dashing out of the Icehouse. Jack calling after her. Writers bludgeoning audience over head with Full Moon Of Completely Unsubtle Portent. Audience GETTING IT.
Ten thousand car commercials.
Cut to the Haze household, where Humbert and Lolita share a midnight snack at the -- oops, my bad, cut to Casa Grams where Jen and Billy Budd share some pie at the kitchen table while the Full Moon Of Completely Unsubtle Portent reflects off the window. Billy Budd "can tell [Jen] this [story] because [he's] a secure male," blah blah blah "in New Orleans, I got so drunk, couldn't see straight" blah blah blah "met this woman" blah blah blah "her place" blah blah blah "closer and closer to -- a moment" blah blah blah "she tells me she's a he" blah blah blah fishcakes. Two words, Billy Budd: Adam's. Apple. Jen gets up to pour more coffee, as if the two of them have not downed enough java by this time to cause a seizure, and asks, "So what'd you do?" and Billy Budd says that "he, or she, or whatever, was actually really great about it," and that they stayed up drinking and laughing and "he turned out to be a really nice guy. I heard his whole story, abusive father, and, uh -- so now, whenever I'm in New Orleans, I have a free couch," like, wow, Billy Budd met a gay person and, to his surprise, they had a lot in common! How heartwarming! How open-minded! No, not really!
Billy Budd gives Jen's breast the furry eyeball as she reaches across him to put the mugs of coffee down, and Jen looks down at him and says, "You've got . . ." and wipes a crumb from of his borrowed-from-Don-Johnson stubble as she sits down. Billy Budd says throatily, "Now your turn -- most embarrassing sexual encounter," and Jen dips her finger into the pie filling and sticks it into her mouth, and the director can probably ease up on the non-verbal sexual cues because we GET THE POINT already, and Jen pretends to think about it since the writers expect us to believe that she has a wealth of sexual encounters to choose from, and she tells him about getting caught having sex in her parents' bed, "right on my dad's 300-thread count -- did not go over well, and plus it completely spoiled the moment," like, ha ha, not, and Billy Budd says, "Bummer," as they both keep dipping and licking their fingers, and I think WE GET IT -- well, everyone except for Billy Budd, who clearly hasn't yet clued in to the statutory rape charges in his immediate future. He fixes Jen with a gaze of smoldering cluelessness as she says, "Yeah, my dad can be kind of harsh sometimes -- I guess me and your drag queen friend [sic] have got something in common." I can't think what, unless you count trying to pass as a human female. Billy Budd spreads some pie filling on Jen's lips with his finger as Snuffy Walden-esque Guitar Music Of Turgid Desire plays in the background, and he kisses her with his pinky finger held aloft for some reason, and Jen with her eyes still closed licks her lips sensuously, and when she opens her eyes Billy Budd says, "I hope that's the only thing you two have in common," like, good thing we didn't see THAT joke limping into view TEN MINUTES AGO, and Jen bites her lip before they start kissing again, and this week the sound guy has hooked up the lip mic to a pair of Bose speakers.