Episode Report Card Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fire Crotches
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.04.2010
, he warns AAdrianna not to eat too much. No one likes a fat pop star! After he leaves, Navid asks AAdrianna how she can trust such a slime ball and warns her that he's going to destroy her career. AAdrianna nearly tells Navid what she did, but she hesitates, and the chance leaves along with Navid.Over at La Casa Nueva, Annie finds Liam preparing her a romantic dinner of mushroom risotto. He says he wants to prove to her that trouble doesn't follow him around. Cut to the fire behind him. Whoops! After they squelch the flames, she thanks him for attempting to cook for her. He admits that he asked to crash with Dixon so he could be closer with her. He misses her. Just as he leans in for a kiss, the doorbell rings. Of course it's the Coffee Cutie, whom Liam finally meets. They go a couple rounds of elliptical confrontation until Liam storms out, leaving CC to explain their murky relationship. In short, Liam's dad got around a lot before he was sent to the clink.
Meanwhile, Silver introduces the benefit by mentioning how her mother died of breast cancer. Then, as he is wont to do, Navid bursts onto stage in a full fireman's outfit. Apparently this party is "too damn hot." Well, here's something that'll cool it down -- a dozen flailing high school seniors thrusting their groins in our general direction! Jackets are ripped off and swirled around heads, Sean Kingston sings about emergency services, suspenders are tweaked, etc. Someone was paid to create this, y'all. And lots of someones were paid to burn its horrid image into our retinas. Thanks, show!
Back at the Casa, CC goes into more detail about his relationship with Liam. They grew up separately and didn't know about each other until they were 10 years old. They spent one summer together, and CC stole a credit card to go on a shopping spree which he later blamed on Liam. Hence the start of Liam's reputation as a good-for-nothing troublemaker. Now CC wants to make amends, but Liam wants him to drop dead.
Bachelor Auction. Ausscar woos the ladies with his accent and fetches $300. Liam reluctantly takes the stage next, and things get heated between two girls, rocketing Liam's price tag to $350. She flips out and hugs him. He looks disgusted.
Across town, Victor gives AAdrianna her cut, which he's generously decided will actually be only 20%. She idiotically tells him it's "not fair," like he gives a rat's ass what's fair. He reminds her that blackmail isn't always fair.
Back at the auction, someone actually asks for Matthews. Seriously? Thank God! Matthews declines to participate, so it's time for Dixon. Ivy really sets the bar high, bidding $1 for her mans. Oh, but then Dixon's ex comes and ups the ante to $100. They go back and forth until Silver cuts off the ex and basically gives Dixon to Ivy for the low, low price of $400. Dixon thanks Silver (yet another of his exes) before heading over to do some serious damage control with Ivy. Not awkward at all!
Navid takes his place as the final hunk on the block. Quoth Silver, "It's Iranian men!" Perhaps turned off by the Weather Girls shout-out, absolutely no one bids for Navid. So embarrassing (and not entirely unexpected). Finally, AAdrianna materializes to offer up her two grand as penance for being a real hag to pretty much everyone involved in this janky auction. She hands over the money to Silver and apologizes to her for choosing work over the benefit. All is well... for now.
Out in the hall, Teddy catches up with Silver to say he's sorry, but it's too late. She breaks up with him and stomps off. Ian happens by hot on her heels, and grossly misjudges Teddy's capacity for violent rages triggered by self-hatred. They get into it, Ian tells Teddy not to take his discomfort with himself out on him, and if A then B, Teddy beats the stuffing out of Ian. Though, to the choreographer's credit, he does get in one really good swing to the gut. Matthews finally breaks it up, asphyxiating them with the smell of his greasy hair. They both clam up about what is causing this fight, so he assigns both of them detention for the next two weeks. I smell me some Kiss of the Spider Woman action.
Elsewhere, Annie finds Liam and apologizes for dating his brother, even though she didn't really know she was. She tries to go into Liam's beef with Charlie, but he tells her she doesn't know what she's talking about. Then he really sticks it to her by saying she was right -- they're all wrong for each other. Cue the obsessive girl who bought him at the auction, coming to claim her prize. He drops his once disgusted face to make Annie think he's moved on already.
Annie joins AAdrianna in congratulating Silver for a job well done. They think Jackie Taylor-Silver would be very proud. They catch sight of Naomi skulking off and wonder how Silver can put up with her after all she's done. Silver struggles to remain tight-lipped about what exactly Naomi's been through to justify her behavior. For about five seconds, that is. When she finally tells them. They march out to tell Naomi that they are sympathizing with her and will do anything to help her make Cannon pay for what he's done.