Episode Report Card Lady Lola: D | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT EGOT Game
By Lady Lola | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.03.2009
Back in the writers' room, the guys invite Frank out to Chuck E. Cheese for Divorced Hispanic Moms Night. He's too busy, with sketches to read and meetings to attend. Toofer shoots him a sideways glance and says, "Okay. Have a good night... Liz!" Frank shouts out that he's not Lemon, then delights in finding a delicious piece of ham under a script.
Over in Tracy's dressing room, Tracy listens intently and Kenneth takes notes as Grizz and Dot Com crunch the data on all past EGOT winners. Many of them have one thing in common -- composing a hit song. They all ascertain that Tracy will get his baby girl if he writes a really great song that inspires a TV show, which furthermore inspires a film and can then be adapted into a Broadway play. Tracy resolves to write the most popular song of all time.
The next day, Lemon returns to the studio sporting a truly awful haircut (think '70s era Shelley Duvall with Real Housewife wings on the side and bangs cut by a two-year-old), not to mention a newfound insecurity about the way she says the word "camer-AH." As Lemon goes to change, Jack flips and runs to Jenna's room to tell her he has an actress problem. "Okay," she says, "Don't try to move the body yourself." Jack clarifies that the actress in question is Lemon, and she's gone to a zany place after he told her that she shouldn't wear her glasses yesterday. Jenna tells him that being on camer-AH makes performers vulnerable. Jack doesn't understand, because it's Lemon they're talking about. Jenna explains that Jack has created two Lemons: Regular Lemon and Performer Lemon. She advises him to "lie to her, coddle her, protect her from the real world." Says Jack, "I get it. Treat her like the New York Times treats its readers!"
Writers' room. A hatless Frank, plus a wavy new coiffeur, figure-hugging cardigan, smaller glasses frames, and old lady tote bag (in short: a twisted copy of Lemon) enters to tell the writers one of their bits (Rubik's Pube?) was shut down by the standards department. Toofer notes Frank's new resemblance to a one Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit, and Frank gives a huffy explanation of how he got that way. He storms over to his office in a snit and slams the door before opening it back up, weepily cupping his head in his hand, and asking everyone, "What is happening to me?"
Studio. Lemon is on the 510th take of her titles sequence, and boy, is it a doozie. Think of every awkward gesture and facial expression you can, then double them and add raising the roof, seal clapping, Bingo Wing waving, and smiling like someone who's stuck in a permagrimace after about 3,000 facelifts. I'm sorry friends, this is not something I can give justice to with words. You'll just have to watch it for yourselves. As Pete grows increasingly frustrated, Jack employs the coddling technique Jenna suggested. He asks her to step in front of the high-def camera, only to discover that she is the spitting image of the Wicked Witch from Snow White in front of that thing. Jack pleads for her to step away.
