Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Away We Go
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 06.22.2009
Rudolfo complains that Celia's undermining him, she whines back, and they yank the note back and forth between them until a dude comes and asks who Rudolfo's sending out on patrol, "Rafael y Lopez," which Celia immediately shoots down. "No, Rafael used to pick on him at school, and that dynamic still hasn't changed. Send Gutierrez." Didn't you kind of know that she'd be great at this?
I mean, that's a go-to joke for me, "Blair Waldorf will end up running guns in South America," that kind of thing, but it's still beyond awesome to see somebody doing it, especially somebodyawesome like Celia Hodes. Rudolfo starts shaking, mad, but she doesn't notice: just slurps his coffee, rewrites his ransom note (which is in Spanish which she doesn't speak or write), machetes up top, administrates his life, undermines him, calls him a puppy, makes him one. His name is what he is.
Nancy's reading Parents magazine, a publication with which I'm only vaguely familiar, having encountered it years ago and only in the context of what was once a much more exciting read, namely Highlights magazine. I assume it contains helpful tips and things of this nature, and I'm all about babies these days, but I can't help thinking that Highlights would still be more interesting. Maybe it's just the logo of Parents magazine, which is so '70s/childhood-cathected it makes me feel like I just smoked salvia, or maybe... No, you know what it is? This amazing Goofus & Gallant slash fic I Google and read about once a year. It is Olympian, both in resonance and in sheer quality: "Gallant wonders whether Goofus is also a virgin/Goofus suspects he's landed a cherry" and "Gallant is circumcised/Goofus is not."
Anyway, she's reading this magazine when Andy returns from dropping Shane off at Jill's, and Sucio draws a gun on him, and she takes her sweet time explaining "no shooty" to Sucio, and introduces them. "Su-Su-Sucio," Andy immediately says, but gets nothing out of Sucio with this. He considers him for a bit, until Nancy asks after Shane, in the Oakland Hills. Shane must sleep in Scott's marathon trophy room, must share a bathroom with the Children of the Corn, but at least he's safer.
"How's my mature, responsible older sister?" Andy nods: She's looking hot, is how she's doing. Nancy stares at him and he nods: "Time's been kind to the Price sisters." She demands that he not lump them in together. She has no idea how far he's already gone, down that road; he's adorable, biting his thumb and marveling at how alike they are. She yells that they're not, and heads to the bathroom; Sucio tries to come in with her and she makes him stay outside. Andy babbles at him for awhile outside the bathroom -- "Su-Su-Sucio. Su-Su-Sucio? Really? Phil Collins?" -- until without looking he grabs Andy by the throat. "Okay, that cuts off my breathing," he grunts. "Payaso," Sucio says: Clown. His name is what he is. Nancy comes out bleeding.