Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Unfrozen Caveman Captain
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.23.2003
Enterprise. Command Center. Phlox points out a Vulcan bio-sign on a chart of the planet and says the other three are definitely not human. Trip fusses that he hasn't sent a search party down because Phlox wanted more time to analyze the data. Phlox thinks it's possible T'Pol that was speaking literally when she said they were being altered, and that those non-human bio-signs are actually their human crewmembers. When Trip questions this possibility, Phlox cites the influence of the Expanse. That's just great -- they've got their own space-age Hellmouth up there that they can blame anything and everything on. Trip orders May-You-Snooze-You-Lose to prep a sh'pod. Phlox protests. Trip tells him that they'll all wear EV suits with bio-hazard protocols; he wants the decon chamber ready when they get back. I've said it before and I'll say it again; Trip's a much more believable captain than Quantum of the Furrow People.
Speaking of which, Loathe-ar and his Hill People are still trying to process what T'Pol is telling them about Enterprise. Thankfully, they've dropped the freak-speak and are all speaking English. More or less. Hill Person Reed speaks with a Russian accent when he says they have to find "Urquat." Does he mean "Urquhart"? Because they are hell and gone from Scotland. I've been to Castle Urquhart -- it's beautiful, and they have a working catapult that Quantum should personally try out. Hey -- maybe they're all related to the Loch Ness monster, and by some The Chase kind of plan, Nessie's DNA has been scattered throughout the universe! I'm convinced that's totally what's going on here -- it explains the ratty hair, the amphibious faces, and the bad accents. My Chateau de Fantasyland is open to all who wish to visit; I only ask that you wipe your feet first and bring a small bottle of something potent. Hill Person Hoshi says their people are waiting for them and that T'Pol is delaying their return. Hill Person Reed tells Loath-ar that "they" might be able to help them figure out why they can't remember anything. It's not clear if the "they" Hill Person Reed is referring to is T'Pol et al. or if it's their fellow Hill People that Hill Person Hoshi mentioned. Ask me how much I care. I only mention it for the gentle viewer's benefit.
T'Pol tries to convince Loathe-ar to return to the ship. It suddenly becomes an issue that they don't know what T'Pol is, but they do know that she's not Of the Hill People. Loathe-ar sniffs T'Pol some more and starts to touch her. Just before it can become Bad Touch, though, T'Pol distracts him by asking what Urquat is and tells them they should keep searching. Loathe-ar grabs her by the arm and says, "It can't be far." They search. Hill Person Reed scales a tree and brings down some alien papayas. Alpha Alien Loathe-ar knocks them out of Hill Person Reed's hands and takes one for himself. Quantum's even a jerk when he's devolved. Hill Person Hoshi grabs the other one and cracks it open, exposing the squirmy wormy inside. She starts to eat, even though Produce Pete would be of the opinion that wormy fruit is returnable fruit. Hill Person Reed fights Loathe-ar for his spoiled fruit while Hill Person Hoshi watches with interest. Finally, as Loathe-ar backs up, Hill Person Reed lays the piece of fruit down and backs away subserviently. Just like on Enterprise. Loathe-ar cracks open the fruit, which seems to be more like an egg, and sniffs it. On second thought, he darts over to T'Pol and offers it to her. "No, thank you," she tells him politely. Loathe-ar scoops up some of the yolky worms and shoves them near T'Pol's mouth. "I'm not hungry," she tells him firmly. Of course she's not -- she had a bite of a peach back on the ship, that'll keep her going for another few weeks. Loathe-ar eats his egg. Hill Person Reed creeps up to him and chitters. After a moment, Loathe-ar offers him his egg, and Hill Person Reed shoves his face in it.