Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dolt, Be Not Proud
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.26.2005
As Piper hits the lower landing on the main stairs, she's rather shocked to find Death waiting for her in the main hall. Hee. I love Death-In-A-Box. "I trust you've said your goodbyes," he opens, which doesn't make much sense, because enough time has passed since Piper recited the spell for Death to notice that San Francisco is positively teeming with Dolts at the moment, but this show is ass, so whatever. They've been saving Death's realization of what's actually going on for this scene, and logic be damned. Just as Death demands the Dolt's presence in the foyer, the doorbell rings. Raige too brightly sings, "Oooh! I'll get it!" and swings open the front door to reveal the bored Pizza Delivery Dolt loafing around on the front porch. "Oh, hi!" Raige perks. "Do you, um, mind just putting it on the table?" Pizza Delivery Dolt gets a far-too-amusing lascivious leer on his face as he sidles past her into the front hall, and bamp-chicka-bamp-ew, and the doorbell rings again to herald the arrival of Dry-Cleaning Delivery Dolt, and since when do dry-cleaners deliver? Stupid show. The camera cuts back to Death looking increasingly annoyed for a moment as the doorbell rings again and Raige admits yet another Dolt-alike who's there to repair the much-abused grandfather clock. That's sort of funny, actually. "What's the meaning of this?" Death finally demands. "What can I tell you?" Piper blithely replies. "I run a very busy household." And next to arrive on the front porch is Ivan. Well, Ivan in Dolt form, so I suppose he's Divan for this scene. Pity I've been ignoring the character's actual name, Henry, because by now I'm sure I'd be calling him Hank, which means he'd actually be Dank for what follows. As Raige stammers with surprise, the one true Dolt lopes down the stairs to note the plague of Dolts currently swarming the first floor as his wife frosts The Angel Of Death with, "I told you: I will not let you take my husband." Death makes a few threatening remarks before The One True Dolt concocts some repair-related excuse to angle noticeably around both Piper and Death to exit through the back of the house, and that was a completely bungled moment. If The One True Dolt physically avoided bumping into The Angel Of Death, wouldn't The Angel Of Death have realized The One True Dolt was the guy he's been looking for? Whatever, Charmed. Death vows to get his man, or something, and vanishes in a smoky twist of Death's-head mojo. Piper presses her eyes shut and sighs.
Meanwhile, out on the front porch, Raige, freaked by her boyfriend's current resemblance to her brother-in-law, pretty much blows Divan off and scampers back into the house. Divan snorts, "Fine!" and sulks his way down the steps to the sidewalk below. Scene.