Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT What is it with chicks, man?
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.26.2006
My hands are still doing that thing where they uncontrollably clench into fists every time Slime is onscreen. Makes him very hard to recap. He's in the Situation Room with Buchanan, Hayes, and Burke the Torture Guy. Buchanan is arguing that having Burke question Audrey is unnecessary this early on, but Hayes is covering her ass and saying they need "a more aggressive approach." The word is torture! Say "torture," you fucking cowards! Christ. Buchanan says they should do the same to Collette, but Hayes says Collette's immunity agreement protects her, unless of course her information turns out to be false. Remember that. Buchanan's still not happy, but Slime points that under the circumstances, Hayes needs to cover her ass. That would be his argument.
But before she can state her decision, Kiefer comes in and asks what Burke's doing there. Hayes explains that they were discussing authorizing "a medical interrogation." TORTURE! Kiefer is shocked: "Burke? He sucks at it!" Not really. He simply says, "That's ridiculous. I'll handle the interrogation." Maybe if he'd taken just the teensiest breath between those two statements, I wouldn't be laughing so hard right now. Hayes shuts the idea right down, pointing out Kiefer's emotional involvement with the suspect. "That has nothing to do with this," Kiefer claims, his pants leaving a wicked phosphor burn on my picture tube. Hayes wraps a sarcastic talon around his jugular: "That's right. You always put the work first? You never let your feelings get involved? Is that what happened with Nina Myers?" Kiefer looks over at Buchanan, who just looks back all, You're on your own now, dude. Kiefer defensives that Nina fooled a lot of people (most of whom are dead now, thanks for asking), and Hayes says that Audrey might well be doing the same thing. Kiefer concedes that particular point, but reminds Hayes that Audrey's dad is the Secretary of Defense, and if Hayes tortures SecDef's daughter/senior adviser and turns out to be wrong, "he will eat you alive." Because of course the halls of CTU are littered with the corpses of the people who authorized the torture of the Secretary's other child last season. But this argument appears to be the first thing to give Hayes pause, and even Slime keeps his loathsome yap shut. Buchanan steps in to offer a compromise: "At least let Jack talk to Audrey ten minutes first." Hayes gives the okay, with one proviso: "At the first sign you're less than objective, you're out." For some reason, Kiefer looks across the table at Slime, who just looks back at him with purse-lipped contempt. In a remarkable display of restraint, Kiefer not only refrains from leaping over into Slime's face, but merely grunts, "Understood," on his way out.